


You Were the Most Exciting Thing I've Ever Known

by ttaeyongs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Choking, Friends to Lovers, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rough Oral Sex, Sexual Tension, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Spit As Lube
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-01-31 15:02:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21448129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttaeyongs/pseuds/ttaeyongs
Summary: Taeyong makes bad decisions sound so good and Johnny (willingly) finds himself constantly getting swept up in a whirlwind of chaos.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 24
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from a song that loosely inspired part of this fic, it'll be linked at the end.
> 
> Warning for the Chapter: there's mentioned vomiting twice I think. Once towards the beginning and once when they're in Taeyong's apartment. It's nothing descriptive because it's gross and freaks me out but was unavoidable given the situation if I wanted to make it realistic.
> 
> I decided to drop the rating for now since as of right now nothing is explicit. The rating is likely to go up however. 
> 
> Please Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of all the ways Johnny had envisioned spending his Tuesday morning, it had not been waking up on the roof of his best friend’s apartment complex with the sun beating down on him and the stench of cheap rum and cherry cola permeating the air. He also hadn’t imagined said best friend laying in his boxers nursing a empty bottle of rum to his chest mere inches away from a puddle of questionable substance— fast asleep.

Of all the ways Johnny had envisioned spending his Tuesday morning, it had not been waking up on the roof of his best friend’s apartment complex with the sun beating down on him and the stench of cheap rum and cherry cola permeating the air. He also hadn’t imagined said best friend laying in his boxers nursing a empty bottle of rum to his chest mere inches away from a puddle of questionable substance— fast asleep.

And yet here he was— staring at his best friend’s nearly naked shape as he stretched and shifted positions, joints popping audibly as his left arm twisted and stretched above his head— the glass bottle clanking as it hit the cement and rolling a few inches towards Johnny before rolling backwards a small distance and finally coming to a halt.

His head was pounding and his mouth was dry and he definitely did not trust his legs to stand up without wobbling and giving way beneath him. Just the prospect of standing up had his knees buckling and his stomach churning.

Johnny swallowed thickly trying to get the sticky cotton mouth feeling off his tongue in a feeble attempt to convince his brain he didn’t feel nearly as awful as he actually did.

He needed to know what time it was.

Through squinted eyes he could tell the sun was high in the sky, rays beating down unforgivingly on them— more than likely it was already past noon. Somewhere on that godforsaken roof top had to be his phone.

Hopefully with at least one percent left on the battery if he had any luck at all— though mornings like this tended to yield the opposite.

Shutting his eyes once more, he rolled onto his back to stretch his limbs and get his blood circulating— his arm was starting to feel fuzzy from laying on it. A half grunt half groan escaped his dry lips as a particularly good stretch to his back had his own spine popping in all the right ways.

He sighed in content before cracking his eyes open once more. Almost immediately he lifted one of his flannel clad arms and burrowed his eyes into the crook of his elbow— that had been a mistake, the light was seemingly more brutal when looking straight up. The intensity nearly brought tears to his eyes.

The telltale throb of an oncoming headache began lapping at the very edge of his consciousness, building up pressure behind his eyes— no doubt triggered by the sudden intensity of the sun. While he continued to shield his eyes from the harsh rays of the sun with one arm, the other set to work swiping gently over the cement around him in search of his phone.

Wrinkling his nose he groaned in disgust as his hand managed to find a sticky puddle rather than his phone. He didn’t even want to think about what that could have been. Maybe it was cherry cola. _Hopefully_ it was cherry cola.

Given his current predicament he couldn’t be too sure and he didn’t particularly want to dwell on it. Instead he groped the side of his pants trying to rub the stuff off as best he could. In the process he managed to make out a phone-like shape on the other side of his sweatpants that he prayed was actually his phone sitting safely in his pocket.

Luck seemed to be on his side after all— a rare occurrence when his best friend was involved.

Upon retrieving it he managed to press the power button and move his arm from his eyes long enough to see a quick flicker of 14:27 before the device vibrated and died in his palm. It was enough he supposed— at least he knew it was past noon which seemed like a relief. It meant the day was closer to being over and he’d be able to sleep it all off in a few hours’ time. He relished the idea.

Johnny dropped the phone down on his chest and rolled onto his side to peer at his friend who had one hand splayed out on his abdomen and the other arm slightly bent and outstretched beside him. He couldn’t help the fond smile that crept up on his lips. Seeing the other so peaceful seemed rare these days with finals and graduation looming over their heads— the other had the pleasure of dealing with with the added stress of recitals and rankings.

He never seemed to stop moving let alone fall asleep. Even if it was an alcohol induced slumber, Johnny couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. And maybe— just maybe— the bags under the other man’s eyes would fade just a little bit when he woke up. Johnny could only hope.

“Yah!” he grunted, managing to find his voice. All good things had come to an end eventually however. He did feel a little cruel trying to wake the other man up as visions flashed behind his eyes of the other crumpled in an ungraceful heap, sobbing on the dance studio’s streaked floor that he’d never be good enough.

Johnny swallowed thickly the dry feeling still not abating no matter how many times he tried to wet his mouth, his throat too felt dry, making any attempts at shouting fall at just barely above a whisper. At this point he didn’t even think downing a gallon of water would fix that feeling and resigned himself to licking his lips and running his tongue over his teeth trying to placate himself for the moment while he tried to wake his friend.

When the other didn’t so much as stir from his slumber he tried again, trying a little louder this time.

“Yah, Yonggie, wake up,” this elicited a quiet moan and a plea in a foreign tongue that Johnny was entirely sure wasn’t English, nor was it the boy’s native tongue, and was quite possibly an alien language that only the younger boy knew how to speak. What Johnny was certain of was that it was most definitely him attempting to ask for five more minutes.

He knew this could go on forever because the other boy hated being woken up and was near impossible to rouse when he wasn’t possibly still drunk from the night before or nursing one hell of a hangover— once he managed to fall asleep that was. So Johnny did what he thought only logical. He reached down and grabbed the first thing he felt and deemed capable of flying the small distance between the two.

However his alcohol addled mind was slow to process that he just picked up his cell phone and threw it, missing its mark completely, until he heard it smash against the concrete on the other side of his sleeping friend.

“Shit shit fuck _shit_,” he cursed as he just knew he cracked the screen worse than it already was before, he didn’t even need to look. 

It did serve its purpose though he supposed, as the smaller man sat up with a loud groan and rubbed at his eyes trying to chase the sleep away, before promptly turning his body and retching up the contents left in his stomach from last night. Johnny cringed at the sound and turned his head away to afford him a little privacy while he threw up.

When the sound finally stopped it was followed by a slurred “Johnny,” and a few other mumbled words that sounded suspiciously like “sorry,” and “phone,” followed by the most amused and unapologetic “whoops,” he had ever heard uttered by a drunk man. Taeyong was lucky he had such a cute smile.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, mind piecing the sentence together in his mind. Johnny supposed he should be upset that he had just broken his phone by throwing it at his asshole of a friend who then had the nerve to laugh about it, but maybe it was the cute way his nose scrunched up while he giggled, or maybe it was the fact he had giggled that made Johnny less upset. It was probably the alcohol.

Whichever it was Johnny just prayed that he was wrong and he pieced the sentence together wrong.

“You’re a menace,” Johnny grumbled, the smaller boy just flashed a bright, toothy smile at him, nose scrunching enough to cause his eyes to shut partially and Johnny’s heart fluttered. For a minute his head stopped pounding and his body stopped aching and all that his senses could focus on was the sensation of hot lips pressed against his ear while hot whispers of bad ideas and reckless fun hung in the air and the slightest brush of those lips against his cheek when they pulled away.

Johnny had been weak and had allowed himself to be dragged down the street to the liquor store, wad of cash thrust into his hand, since Taeyong lost his ID a week ago, while his friend walked into the convenience store across the street to procure snacks for them.

For a minute all he could focus on was the way his best friend had grabbed his hand, soft and gentle, and pulled him through the crowded streets of Los Angeles while in the other hand swung a bag full of seaweed snacks and soft drinks. He could still feel the phantom sensation of his friend’s small hand holding on like a life line and the warm anticipation settling in his gut.

But that was last night, and when the memory faded his senses were once again assaulted by the sun and it was too bright and he was too hot too suddenly and quickly thrust off the too small flannel he was wearing and wadded it up into a ball to throw at his friend who had since fallen to his side cackling about gods know what— Johnny’s hopelessly shattered phone cradled in his hands.

“Johnny, you think vampires get drunk off blood and that’s why they hate the sun? They’re just hungover by sunrise and they just want to sleep and do it all again when the sun goes down?”

“No Yong, I think that’s just you projecting your own lifestyle onto those poor fuckers.” The boy in question wrinkled his nose and made a sound of protest. His eyes seemed to glaze over in thought as he seemed to mull over the idea more and more.

Johnny had to admit the idea was kind of silly. It wasn’t exactly his cup of tea— after Twilight Johnny rather hated the idea of vampires in young adult fiction. Maybe it was the literature major in him that was too critical on the series, but to him vampires did _not_ belong in romance literature.

Taeyong’s idea however could be the interesting plot of a college student’s creative writing assignment. It definitely sounded like the kind of thought his own classmates would come up with after a blunt or two and suddenly everything in their world philosophical and they think they’re discovering the answers to the universe— in the form of drunk vampires.

“You should write a book about it,” Taeyong concludes, eyes glimmering at the prospect, and even if Johnny abhorred the subject he might just do it— because Taeyong asked him to with his glittering doe eyes.

Taeyong grinned at Johnny, wiggling his way closer to him before reaching for the flannel and pulling it on after a particularly strong breeze blew over them. Johnny relished it and found himself disappointed when it ended too soon, but his friend had shivered violently— thin body being only clad in boxers Johnny could sympathize with him.

Though it had led him to the question, “Where did your clothes go?”

Taeyong shrugged haplessly and pulled the flannel tightly around him and gave an overly dramatic shiver.

“You stole this,” he murmured as he glanced around the rooftop for the rest of his clothes.

Johnny distinctly recalled that he had not stolen the flannel so much as the younger boy had stuffed his arms into it while squirming around on his lap like some kind of backwards and uncoordinated lap dance strip tease.

He sat there watching as his friend struggled and crawled around the immediate vicinity searching for his clothes for a few minutes before deciding he should probably work on cleaning up their mess instead and then focus on trying to remember what exactly they had done last night.

From his spot next to the air conditioning unit he could already count at least nine empty bottles of hard cider, a two liter of cherry cola on its side, contents spilled onto the concrete beside him, and the empty bottle of Cuban rum where Taeyong had been sleeping. Johnny decided that it was probably best to not recall what they did. His stomach certainly didn’t need reminding as it began churning at the thought of alcohol.

The younger seemed to give up his search when he slowly rose on wobbly legs, still looking more graceful than Johnny could ever hope to be in his life, sober or not.

“Let’s get inside,” Taeyong says offering a hand to him and helping hoist him up to his own clumsy feet. Johnny couldn’t think of a better idea his smaller friend had ever had and gladly stumbled his way to the door back into the complex, arm full of empty cider bottles nearly gagging from the saccharine aroma.

Once inside his friend’s small one room apartment, Johnny sat down on the bed after disposing of the bottles in the recycle can next to the cooking area while Taeyong rummaged through his barren refrigerator in search of what he prayed was cold water, and maybe a bottle of painkillers.

If he was lucky, Taeyong would emerge with both. That’s all he really needed at the moment. Maybe that and to finally expel all the poison he’d consumed that night. Worshiping the porcelain gods had never seemed more appealing to him in his life.

He was a firm believer that the quickest way to get over a hangover was to get all the alcohol out of his system and then eat the greasiest fast food he could get his hands on. Screw the coffee and rehydrating. Expelling all the alcohol in his system and loading his bloodstream with carbs was the best way, he was sure of it.

He had many nights of experience, thanks to Taeyong.

In the back of his mind he heard Taeil’s voice telling him greasy food before drinking and bread for a hangover.

Burgers had bread, Johnny reasoned with himself. In the not so back of his mind he heard Taeyong’s voice saying the best solution to a hangover was more rum and Johnny visibly cringed at the idea of more alcohol. He didn’t care how much science was actually backing his friend up— the statement earned a very big no thank you from him.

He groaned as he flopped over onto his side hoping to agitate his stomach just a little to maybe coax some sort of a reaction out of his stomach— trying to rid his brain of any more thoughts of more alcohol.

He shut his eyes and sighed as he felt his body sinking into the mattress and inhaling the scent of clean linen and the spiced apples he’d come to associate with Taeyong. His body felt light and floaty and he could feel himself drifting off to sleep again and he welcomed it.

The bed was impossibly soft and he could understand why Taeyong always seemed to never wanted to leave his apartment when he had free time, hell if he had a bed like this, Johnny doubted he’d ever even make it to his classes on time.

His relaxation was short lived though, because not even a full minute later a cold water bottle was thrust into his arms startling him awake. He shot a halfhearted glare up at Taeyong who just grinned down at him and shook a small bottle of pills in his hand. The sound was music to his ears and he childishly made grabby hands at Taeyong until the other relinquished the plastic bottle to him.

Johnny noted as he sat up that his friend still had yet to procure a pair of pants, and didn’t seem to care that he was still clad in his boxers and an open flannel that hung loosely on his lithe frame. He wondered how long he planned on staying like that because honestly the apartment was chilly and Johnny was starting to feel cold just looking at him in his state of undress— an almost welcome contrast from the overbearing heat on the rooftop. But he wasn’t too sure it was actually a chill inside the apartment, or the beginnings of a nasty hangover.

“I’m gonna shower then we should probably get some food,” Taeyong said before gesturing toward the small closet tucked in the corner of the room that Johnny refused to acknowledge was a bathroom, no matter how many times he’d been inside of it and seen that in fact it had a toilet, a sink and a showerhead mounted on the wall. No matter how many times he had been there he didn’t think he’d ever get used to the bathroom.

Taeyong assured him it was very similar to what he had back home in Seoul. In comparison the very standard Seoul bathroom seemed to be archaic to the one back in his parent’s home in Chicago where the toilet had its own room inside of the bathroom and he had a tub and a shower stall. In his mind that was what a bathroom should be, not some tiny little closet with a shower head on a wall and a drain on the floor. Even his own apartment had a better bathroom than that— Taeyong had chosen the cheapest offer in the cheapest part of town to avoid the need for a roommate since financial aid plan didn’t cover his living expenses past his second year of college.

Taeyong flitted around the room searching through the clothing he had scattered about on the floor, picking up a new pair of boxers and sniffing them before grimacing and tossing them in the corner where his laundry basket sat, landing haphazardly beside it. It was so uncharacteristic of the normally clean and organized boy he knew that Johnny couldn’t help but laugh as he unscrewed the cap to his bottle of water.

He took a long awaited sip, relishing in the sensation of it on his tongue and how it seemed to help alleviate the dryness some. He popped a painkiller into his mouth as well and sat back on the bed reaching to grab his phone from his pocket only to remember it was currently smashed to bits somewhere either in this room or up on the roof— he wasn’t too sure what Taeyong had done with it once all of his giggles had subsided.

He knew he was going to need it before he left, but that didn’t make the prospect of retrieving it any better. Sooner was better than later he supposed though, even if it was a bit disheartening to think this was his third new phone in as many months.

He felt his stomach give a final churn before he was rushng into the kitchen and heaving over the garbage can. It came in two waves and after that he began to feel a little bit better and also came to the conclusion he was just going to eat the money for a new phone because a fourth new phone seemed a little too ridiculous to swing by his parents. No matter how well off they were somethings he’d rather just keep a secret from them. They didn’t need to know he already ruined the one they bought two weeks ago.

It didn’t take long for his friend to emerge from the bathroom, towel slung low around his hips and red hair dripping wet like he hadn’t even bothered to dry it off. Johnny watched him walk over to the desk where the other had neatly placed his clothes and averted his eyes with a blush when he heard the soft thump of towel dropping to the floor. He had to will himself to not look up again until Taeyong was done getting dressed.

A weaker man would have definitely peered up to get an eyeful of his best friend’s ass. Johnny was definitely not a weak man. So he had no explanation or reason as to why he was staring at straight at Taeyong while the other was getting dressed. It wasn’t even like he’d never seen him naked before. He had on a handful of occasions.

One humid night last summer in particular came to his mind.

Last summer had been wild to say the least. Skinny dipping in his parent’s neighbor’s pool had definitely been a highlight. Scrambling over the fence and landing in a wet tangle of naked limbs in the rose garden trying to shush a cackling Taeyong while the neighbors came outside to take out the trash had not been one of his prouder moments.

Even if it was a very memorable one.

It had also been the first of many almost kisses in the past year where Johnny had wished he had the balls to just man up and do it since he hadn’t had the excuse of “but what about Seulgi?” anymore.

Unbeknownst to him, Taeyong had caught him in the reflection of his computer screen and was grinning to himself pleased— maybe even a little too proud for the flustered expression on Johnny’s face while the other was undoubtedly scolding himself.

He had to file this moment away for the future, if only to tease Johnny to make him flustered again. He made sure to make a show of wiggling his hips as he pulled his pants up, foregoing his boxers entirely.

Afterall, why was he getting so shy when he’d seen him like this before, Taeyong thought fleetingly.

His smirk grew wider at the audible gulp the other made. Just another thing for him to file away. It was almost too easy to push Johnny’s buttons and he _almost_ felt bad for it.

‘But what about Seulgi?’ Johnny thought no longer distracted by his best friend’s state of undress. What had happened with her? Taeyong never seemed to speak about it and never bought her up which Johnny never really thought about too often.

It was weird to him, a year and a half ago Taeyong had been in love with her and would talk to him until three in the morning about how he couldn’t wait for the wedding— fears about becoming a good father, and Johnny reassuring him he’d be absolutely perfect. Taeyong was so in love with her after all— but then suddenly nothing.

He just stopped talking about her all together and would subtly deflect any questions about it. In fact, Johnny couldn’t even recall Taeyong being depressed when they must have broken off the engagement. He just asked Johnny to not talk about her and left it at that— which of course Johnny obliged and shelfed the gnawing curiosity in favor of just supporting his friend.

Right now his head hurt too much to bother with the train of thought any longer, he just wanted to get food and maybe sleep for the rest of the day. Taeyong would talk about it eventually if he wanted him to know, there was no sense in prying— no one was ever able to get anything out of Taeyong before he was ready to open up, not even Johnny.

His stomach was growling and he couldn’t tell if it was another wave of nausea or if it was actual hunger, but he knew the only want to really solve it was to stuff as many carbs down his throat as possible.

“Yong are you almost ready?” he called out not looking up from the counter where he had decide to affix his attention to.

The question was met with silence. When he looked up again Taeyong was nowhere to be seen. Furrowing his eyebrows he looked around the small room. He hadn’t heard any doors open or close and from his angle he could tell the smaller boy was not in the bathroom.

Suddenly hands were squeezing his waist from behind and his knees were buckling in his body’s futile attempt to curl in on itself for protection as a deep “Boo!” was shouted at him. A loud shriek he wasn’t entirely sure was human escaped his lips as his butt hit the cold tile floor. His back was supported by what felt like legs, if the boney knee digging into his shoulder was any indication. He burrowed his face into his own knees to hide his embarrassment for the moment.

Taeyong’s arms came to rest on his shoulders to support his weight as the younger doubled over in laughter. Loud and melodic, almost enchanting. Johnny could feel the other’s warm breath on the crown of his head and tried to count to ten to calm his racing heart.

“Aw shit you should see your face, Johnny!” the other gasped out between fits of laughter. His eyes were shut tightly and the corners of his mouth upturned into wide open-mouthed smile while he cackled hysterically.

“Did you hear your scream? Oh my god, I’m sure your parents heard it over in Chicago ,” he continued laughing before shrieking in an imitation of him. “I bet my mom in Korea heard you!”

Johnny reached his arm up and slapped the other on the thigh grumbling a half-hearted, “Shut up,” before turning himself around to face Taeyong with a pout. The younger just continued to laugh at him as he reached down and hooked his hands under Johnny’s armpits and helped pull him to his feet.

As if out of a scene from one of those cheesy dramas Taeyong loved to watch with Jaehyun, Johnny lost his balance, stumbling forward and causing Taeyong to take a step back to accommodate him— only to end up falling backwards.

Taeyong’s back hit the opposite counter and arched slightly with a soft thud, one arm reached behind to brace himself as Johnny tumbled on top of him, trapping Taeyong’s bent body between his own and the counter. Johnny’s own hand moved to rest on the younger man’s chest, the other to the left of Taeyong, holding his weight and supporting himself up.

Their faces were so close he could feel Taeyong’s breath on his face. Close enough that Johnny wouldn’t even have to try hard to just lean in and press his lips to Taeyong’s— close enough he could say it was an accident.

Both boys stared wide-eyed at each other for a moment trying to process the situation. Johnny was close enough to see little droplets of water dripping from Taeyong’s hair and running down the side of his face, close enough to see the small scars that littered his face, most being from the atopy that plagued him as a child, but on his left cheek close to his nose was one from their tangle with the rose bush last summer.

He could also see the scattered moles that were normally too light to see from a distance— eyes focusing briefly on the one below his bottom lip.

Johnny could feel his breath catch in his throat, whether it was voluntary because he knew his breath was probably terrible or if it was because of the tension he’d been building up in his mind all morning and suddenly being too close to his best friend, Johnny wasn’t sure.

The mirth in Taeyong’s eyes had faded and was replaced by something else, something dark, something that Johnny couldn’t quite place. He didn’t want to assume or project his own repressed feelings onto the younger when he didn’t have substantial proof that Taeyong felt the same. But the thought that there might be something there excited him.

Taeyong was the first to move. Clearing his throat and shuffling awkwardly beneath Johnny and letting out a strained chuckle. The elder blushed and pushed himself off the younger a little too fast and stumbled backwards a step only to be tugged forward to regain his balance by Taeyong who wouldn’t look him in the eye but still chuckled nonetheless.

“Clumsy,” he remarked still looking anywhere but Johnny. If he squinted and really looked hard enough Johnny was almost positive he could make out a faint tinge to Taeyong’s cheeks, nearly rivaling his hair color, while the other kept turning his head this way and that just to avoid eye contact.

“Yah. Are you,” Johnny started leaning in closer to Taeyong’s personal bubble, his hand reached up and cupped the side of his face directing him to look him in the eyes. He watched in mild satisfaction as the other’s breath hitched and his eyes grew larger.

“Are you blushing, Taeyong Lee?” He prayed he wasn’t reading the situation wrong, but his body seemed to be moving on instinct and words just tumbled freely from his mouth.

A smirk quirked on Taeyong’s lips as he narrowed his eyes in amusement once he regained his composure.

“My full name, huh, Johnny Seo?” he leaned in closer as well, cocking his head to the side and making himself stand just a bit taller, exuding more confidence than he had just a moment ago. Johnny felt his gut stir at the way he drawled his words and his demeanor changed like some kind of switch was flipped.

“It got your attention didn’t it?” His voice was dark and taunting, something he hadn’t meant to do but still liked the reaction it was drawing from the younger. Taeyong’s smirk grew a little more broad, curled up just a little more, as he placed his hand on Johnny’s cheek, mimicking the other’s actions. His hands were soft— silky, and for a second Johnny felt a little self-conscious that his were more rough.

Were they flirting? Johnny felt his heart race at the idea. Maintaining eye contact was getting harder and harder by the moment as all these emotions flitted around in his mind. He wasn’t even aware that Taeyong had taken a step closer until he felt the smaller man’s body pressed flush against his and felt his breath ghosting along his ear, lips barely brushing as he spoke.

“So what if I am? What are you gonna do about it, _Youngho_?” The way he uttered his Korean name had shivers running up and down his spine, had him swallowing thickly in excitement, anticipation curling in his gut blistering hot like coals entangling with mild embarrassment as he realized he had asked that out loud.

Quickly though, he shrugged off his embarrassment and let his own arms slowly traveling down Taeyong’s body, a little rougher than necessary. Satisfaction rolling over him in waves as he elicited a quiet puff of air that sounded suspiciously like a whine from the younger man as his hands came to rest firmly on his hips.

Johnny’s thumbs dug into the ender flesh just below the denim waist band of his jeans and massaged the smaller man’s hip bones, trying to draw out a louder sound from him.

His breath caught when he didn’t feel the elastic band of underwear and a wave of excitement rushed through him settling right in his groin. He’d known the other wasn’t wearing underwear, but it didn’t change the electricity surging through his blood at being close enough— intimate enough for it to be tangible or relevant.

The silence that hung heavy in the air as the two watched each other intently was abruptly ended by a loud banging on the door. The sound was so jarring that both men pushed off each other and snapped their heads in the direction of the sound as it continued in more urgency followed by a shrill, “Answer the door, Boy!”

Taeyong let out a huff of air and grimaced slightly at the voice. Looking to Johnny he whispered, “It’s the _ahjumma_ from next door,” and a light turned on in Johnny’s head as he recalled stories from Taeyong about this woman.

The one story that stood out to him the most at the moment was that she liked to bang on his door at all hours of the day to tell him, as Taeyong put it, “shut the hell up, no one needs to hear you being dirty,” or to inform him that he had used all of the hot water in the building, even if he hadn’t even showered that day.

Tension still hung in the air that had Johnny looking straight at the door, burning holes into it with his eyes. Different emotions were settling in his gut and he couldn’t sort them out, didn’t want to right now. What he did want was for the banging on the door to stop. It definitely was not helping the headache he was all too aware of at the given moment.

It wasn’t until the door was opening that Johnny had even registered that Taeyong had moved from his spot beside him. If he looked close enough he would almost say that the younger was trembling slightly, seemed unsure of himself as he slowly stepped to the side to allow the woman into his apartment.

It didn’t make sense to Johnny that Taeyong would be so afraid of the little woman in the door frame, so it had to mean that whatever had just transpired between them was affecting him in a way that Johnny wished he could understand.

He wished he could look into the future and see how things between them were going to be. Best friends didn’t do that sort of thing, it was entirely different from the gentle and familiar touches they shared, hands on shoulders, comforting knee squeezes. Hell he had tried to make Taeyong moan not even three minutes ago, and got turned on when he realized he wasn’t wearing underwear.

But Taeyong was playing along with it all so that had to mean something. Right?

_ Right? _

Johnny let out a frustrated groan and rubbed at his temples. It was all too much for him. He just wanted to fall asleep on the couch and sleep all of this, the hangover and the complicated feelings, away.

“Boy! Why were your pants on my petunias?” The woman squawked. Johnny refused to call it anything but a squawk. Shrill and hoarse at the same time, high pitched and bird-like. Like an old crow crying out. Her Korean accent thick in her voice.

“Oh! That’s where they went?” Taeyong let out the softest chuckle, his voice full of mirth and even though his back was turned, Johnny could see the gentle smile plastered on the smaller man’s face. The woman didn’t seem to find it as amusing and his friend did. And for a minute Johnny wondered how it was possible for her to stay angry with the full intensity of Taeyong’s smile directed at her.

“Thank you so much for finding them for me!”

“I didn’t try to, boy! They were crushing my poor petunias!” She angrily thrust the pants into Taeyong’s arms and turned on her heel muttering something that Johnny assumed was “Wait until the landlord hears about this,” and slammed the door behind her.

It wasn’t until the thud of the door down the hall slammed shut that Taeyong doubled over laughing. The situation was so absurd that Johnny found himself crying tears of laughter and gasping for breath, wheezing like a beached whale. He could hardly stand straight anymore and found himself kneeling on the floor and slapping his thigh with one of his hands, the other clutching his stomach tightly as he tried to breathe.

“She said pants on her petunias, Yong. Oh my god. Did you hear that?” he gasped out between fits of laughter.

Taeyong could only nod in response, unable to catch enough breath to utter any words beyond a broken “petunias.”

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that. Was it minutes? Was it hours? Time didn’t seem to matter.

The tension from earlier dissipated entirely and the two were in a comfortable air of silence once their laughter quieted down for a second or third time. Every time Johnny thought it wasn’t funny anymore, he would remember her angry little face and the phrase “poor petunias” had him laughing like a madman again. Taeyong was no better off, hunched over holding his sides wheezing in between laughs.

It wasn’t even that funny if Johnny was being honest with himself but it was the kind of absurd thing that could only happen with Taeyong and alcohol involved.

It was then that Johnny’s stomach let out an almost comical grumble effectively cutting off Taeyong’s laughter. If it hadn’t been for the current flush in his cheeks from the laughter he was certain they would have flushed from embarrassment. He’d just thrown up in Taeyong’s kitchen and his stomach was already thinking about refilling itself.

“I’m with ya, buddy,” Taeyong hums in a soft agreement and nonchalantly rubs Johnny’s stomach. His stomach gave another weak grumble and Taeyong chuckled at it and patted it gently.

“We should definitely go get lunch, but I’m not too sure I want to run out for food dressed in the clothes I slept on the roof in,” Johnny says pulling at his shirt and making a face of mild disgust. It reeked of alcohol and sweat and dirty LA air.

Taeyong shrugged as he wadded his recently acquired jeans up and tossed them towards his hamper in the corner.

It’s a good thing he’s not a basketball player, Johnny mused as he watched the clothes miss their mark.

Johnny wondered what Taeil would say if he ever stepped foot into this apartment. It wasn’t that Taeyong was necessarily dirty, in fact it was quite the opposite and seeing his apartment in disarray like this was unusual. The state of his apartment tended to correlate with his stress levels— the more stressed he was the more time he spent practicing at the studio and less time at home cleaning and organizing.

Johnny always took insight from the state of his apartment whether or not he needed to find a way to help his best friend unwind a little.

“How about we meet up at that corner diner in an hour?” Taeyong suggested flopping down onto his bed and cradling a pillow to his chest. He looked exhausted both mentally and physically— no doubt letting his mind slip into the dangerous headspace of regret.

Johnny made a sound of agreement before parting with Taeyong and heading out of the small apartment.

There wasn’t much Johnny could do about Taeyong’s mood right now— not when he was feeling like shit himself but Johnny made a mental note to walk Taeyong to the studio after lunch— even if he didn’t think letting Taeyong practice until he dropped was a good idea. He just hoped the promise of not being alone was enough for now.

He figured it was a little past half past three by now and set off at a quick pace down the hall towards the elevators and waited for the doors to open. Rubbing his temples he tried to focus exactly on what had happened the night before. He could only seem to put together fragments in a disjointed order.

Come to think of it, he couldn’t even remember the cause for their wild night beyond Taeyong just wanting to let loose. He had gotten the text rather early in the afternoon asking if he wanted to hangout. Johnny was never one to turn down a potential movie night with any of his friends, being quite the movie junkie, and would never pass the chance to show American classics to his foreign friends.

However, when Taeyong dragged him up to the roof to look at the view of the city as the sun was setting and settled himself in his lap Johnny had a feeling they would not be staying in for a calm night of showing Taeyong Rocky Horror.

His suspicions were confirmed when an already-tipsy Taeyong nuzzled his face against his cheeks and purred that it was still early and that the liquor stores were still open and that he had managed to get his hands on a new bowl that he wanted to break in.

When the elevator dinged and the doors opened Johnny made an audible squeak when he saw the older woman again. She shot him a disapproving look and Johnny contemplated turning on his heel and bolting out of there so he wouldn’t have to be in the elevator with her.

The stairs however were at the other end of the hall and his stomach really wasn’t up for any unnecessary physical exertion. His hungover body much preferred the lazy route the elevator provided and he stepped in making his way to the furthest corner from the woman.

She side-eyed him and clicked her tongue as if she wanted to say something and he really thought the stairs might be the better option but just as he made up his mind to take them instead the steel doors shut, trapping him in the box with her.

“You’re too good looking to be wasting your time around him, all he’s good for is creating a ruckus.” She states matter-of-factly without so much as sparing a look at him. Johnny just blinked in surprise.

Sure Taeyong was a little loud sometimes and lived and breathed dance to the point he would practice even when not at the studio, but there was definitely more to him than just flashy hair colors and being good at making noise.

Perhaps it was because of his upbringing— always being told to stand up for himself, his Chicago attitude, but he found himself wanting to snap at her and defend his friend and tell her she was just a bitter old woman who needed to mind her own business.

Of course he knew better than to sass his elders, it was never a good idea to mouth off to them and he liked to think that his parents had raised him better than that. No matter how tempting it may have been and no matter how much they instilled the value of defending himself or those he cared for— mouthing off to elders was never okay in their books.

He opted to just keep quiet throughout the ride and ignore her huffs and how she was angrily shifting her weight like she wanted him to say something to provoke her further. He still couldn’t quite rid himself of the image of her screeching at Taeyong about finding his pants unceremoniously tossed on her precious petunias. 

The air that settled in the elevator was tense and uncomfortable and the ride felt like it was dragging on forever. It easily felt like it had been a solid ten minutes of heavy silence while the seconds ticked by.

The ding signaling the ground floor couldn’t come fast enough, the delay for the doors to open seemed to drag on and for a terrifying moment Johnny feared he might be trapped inside with the woman.

Slowly but surely the doors creeped open, not quick enough for Johnny’s liking but at least they had opened and he darted out of there, rushing through the foyer and out the door of the apartment complex, ignoring any further complaints she might have had.

The sun was blinding and beat down on him with a vengeance. He suddenly felt over dressed in his track pants and t-shirt as sweat began to form on his brow. His only saving grace was the breeze that would blow through every once in a while.

The trek to his apartment didn’t take too long at all and was thankful for both of them living near the bus stop to cut the already short journey in half. Normally he’d save his two dollars on bus fare but with how blinding the sun had been, the promise of air conditioning was a godsend.

Without his phone to distract him showering and getting dressed took him no time at all. A quick glance to the wall told him he had plenty of time to kill before he had to head to the diner but the grumbling in his stomach told him otherwise.

He weighed his options in and decided he could probably ignore his stomach just enough to stop at his mobile carrier and purchase a new phone. He certainly had enough time to do so if he timed it right, it was a Tuesday afternoon after all he couldn’t imagine the shop being incredibly busy.

By the time he finally showed up to the diner, Taeyong was perched sideways on a booth, knees to chest, while leaning his head to the side to sip on a milk shake, the pastel pink shade almost identical to the gentle dusting of blush on his cheeks. His eyes were downcast, locked on his phone while he watched some kind of video.

With a deep groan, Johnny settled into the booth across him, setting a bright yellow bag on the table with a clunk.

Taeyong’s head snapped up immediately, round eyes wide in surprise and a spot of whipped cream settled on his lip. Johnny almost wanted to reach over and dab it away with a napkin, but he refrained. It kind of added to Taeyong’s put together disheveledness, and maybe if Johnny were being a little honest with himself— it was sort of cute.

“You know dairy is probably the worst possible thing you could have after a night of drinking,” Johnny admonishes playfully, thankful that the painkillers have already settled in. He felt refreshed after his shower, no more clammy skin and puffy eyes, but he still felt off balance and a little stiff still.

Taeyong hummed in response, eyes still trained on the yellow bag. Both of them ignoring Taeyong’s lactose intolerance.

“This, dear Yonggie is a new phone,” his voice dripped in sarcasm as he reached across the table towards a napkin to finally wipe the boy’s lip.

If Taeyong blushed it was hard to tell by the way he completely ignored the gesture— like it was incredibly normal. Which to him it might have been, he was always fussing over Johnny and cleaning up after him and wiping his face after eating.

Johnny returning the favor somehow made him feel like Taeyong was smaller in a way he couldn’t quite place and chose to ignore— despite the feeling of blood rushing to his cheeks.

“But why, Johnny?” he asked as if it were the most obvious question, his gaze flickering up to Johnny’s face for an answer, avoiding his eyes.

“You look like shit, by the way,” he added as an afterthought and slid his milkshake over to the other man, offering a sip as he trained his eyes down to the pink glass.

Johnny chuckled at him and happily obliged, even with the knowledge his stomach was going to protest in the next hour or so if he drank too much.

“Well, someone, I’m not naming any names, _Taeyong_, was absolutely impossible to wake up this morning, _Taeyong_, and after a long night of drinking because of this friend, _Taeyong_, the only way I thought I could wake him up was by throwing my phone, which only resulted in breaking it,” he huffed as if he were entirely put out by the prospect of a new phone, as if he hadn’t been complaining the week before about the battery life or the random shut offs of his old one— despite it only being no older than a month.

Taeyong wrinkled his nose and snatched his milkshake back from Johnny mid sip and stuck his tongue out childishly at him.

“Don’t you try to blame this on me, _Seo_, I definitely didn’t tell you to throw it,” he huffed indignantly and took a sip of his milkshake.

“Besides, you wanted a new one anyways, so don’t even start with me, I’m sure this was all an elaborate plan to just go buy the new iPhone and have an excuse to tell your parents.”

They sat in a faux tense silence, glaring at each other for all of twenty seconds before they both broke out laughing. An elderly couple sat two booths away shot them a dirty look which caused Taeyong to duck his head while attempting to stifle his laughter. Johnny on the other hand bit his lip and ended up snorting which only made both boys laugh even harder.

Johnny could swear that this was his favorite sound— Taeyong’s bubbling laughter. The way his nose would scrunch up and he’d have a boxy grin on his face as he’d throw his head back, everything about it was Johnny’s favorite. It was always a welcome change of pace to the knit eyebrows and pursed lips that often graced his friend’s face.

Taeyong was the first to settle down, shoulders finally stopped shaking and a muted smile resting on his face as he caught his breath from laughing so hard moments before.

Johnny was still giggling under his breath, trying to force himself to stop but failing miserably every time he looked up and saw Taeyong’s face.

“Stop,” Taeyong breathed out in a whiny tone, trying hard to school his emotions and failing equally as bad as Johnny was, a few stray chuckles escaping him as he shook his head.

He noted belatedly that Johnny’s eyes were glistening and a stray tear was trailing down his cheek and couldn’t help the budding warmth that settled in his chest.

As if in a trance, Taeyong leaned forward across the table and cupped Johnny’s face in his own hands. Their eyes locked and suddenly, Johnny stopped laughing— his heart was racing as his eyes shifted focus to Taeyong’s lips for a fraction of a second then back up to his cold steel eyes.

Taeyong’s face seemed blank of all emotions and suddenly Johnny felt like he was lost at sea, shipwrecked and drowning. His breath caught somewhere in his chest as he searched for any hint of emotion on Taeyong’s face— absolutely anything.

Taeyong wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring at Johnny, his body seemed paralyzed— frozen into place once he touched Johnny’s face. His own heart was hammering in his chest so loud he was sure Johnny and any of the other patrons in the restaurant could hear it, his ears were ringing and everything else seemed to blur from existence but Johnny.

What felt like hours dragged by, Johnny’s own hands coming up and encircling Taeyong’s tiny wrists and gently placing his hands back down on the table.

“You’re crying,” Taeyong blurted out once he finally caught his bearings, and reached for a napkin to blot at the older man’s eyes.

Johnny placed his hands back on Taeyong’s to still his movement before running his thumb under his eyes and collecting the tears that formed.

“Yeah from laughing,” it came out a little more coarse than he intended but the air between them was getting tense again and Johnny couldn’t place it. He had to put a stop to it before it went further like it had at Taeyong’s apartment.

This time there likely wouldn’t be an angry old woman to break the tension and Johnny wasn’t sure if he wanted to deal with the consequences if there wasn’t.

“Sorry,” Taeyong offered awkwardly and placed the napkin back down on the table and picked his phone back up to idly scroll through whatever feed he was looking at before.

“Did you already order food?” Johnny asked after a moment, ignoring Taeyong’s apology.

The other nodded without looking up— eyes trained on something, brows knitted together until whatever video he was watching ended.

“Yeah, I got you a double, no cheese no onion, and a coke,” he said motioning to the other drink on the table. Johnny grinned fondly at him and reached for the cup.

“What are you watching?” he asked after taking a long sip of his soda.

“Ten recorded us at the studio the other day so we can see what needs improvement,” he mutters as he sets the phone down in frustration and throws his head back with a groan before slumping forward and laying his head on the table.

Just as Johnny was about to ask what was wrong a blonde waitress came to their table and set their food down— chicken tenders for Taeyong and a burger for Johnny.

Once she left he noticed Taeyong pushing his food around with his fork and Johnny frowned not liking to see the other so dejected.

As soon as he opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, Taeyong dropped his fork and sighed.

“I can’t get the choreography right,” he looked straight up at Johnny and frowned.

“It just doesn’t look as good as when Ten does it, even if we’re in sync he still looks better and we need to be on par with each other so I need to be on his level but I just can’t figure it out,” Taeyong groaned and finally took a bite out of one of his chicken tenders and chewed angrily.

He looked almost like a pissed off kitten and Johnny had to silence those thoughts before they made the situation worse. He took a deep breath trying to think of the right words to help the other.

By no means was Johnny an expert on dance or anything— and Taeyong knew that— he didn’t really know what to look for. As far as Johnny knew before meeting Taeyong and Ten dance was completely subjective it was an art and a form of expression.

After meeting Taeyong and hearing the other obsess over it and explain all the little nuances of it Johnny finally began to understand that while it was still an art form there were technicalities that Taeyong was expected to be perfect at if he were to continue receiving his scholarship and graduate.

“We can go to the studio after this and you can practice all you want,” Johnny offered before pulling out his new phone.

“And I can record you and we can go through it step by step if that’s what you need, Taeyong,” the other perked up just a little bit at the notion and swallowed thickly.

“I don’t wanna take up the rest of your day, you should study your own material too,” he says, though Johnny can hear the notes in his voice hinting at wanting Johnny to join him.

“My place is on the way to the studio, I can pick up my laptop and I can work on my paper while you practice,” he smiles, completely confident that no work is going to get done while he’s in the studio with the other— but Taeyong doesn’t need to know that.

Besides, Johnny thought, he still had until Friday to finish his paper, and no doubt Taeyong also had course work that needed to get done too.

Taeyong seemed to be at least a little placated by the proposition and agreed quietly with Johnny before he really started to focus on eating.

Johnny fiddled with his phone in between bites of his burger— Taeyong was a slow eater so at least this way he could take his time to not make the other feel rushed and wolf down his food too fast.

They ate in silence for another twenty minutes or so and Johnny was nearly done setting up his new phone and restoring all his old photos and videos from his cloud and sent a few quick texts to the contacts he spoke with the most to already have their chats in his messaging app.

Ten had replied almost instantly, teasing him for needing a new phone already.

Johnny lingered on the idea of asking Ten to Join them at the studio wondering if Ten’s presence would help or hinder Taeyong’s own practice.

Before he even got the chance to ask however, Ten was already explaining to him that he had a “study date” with an engineer major who was tutoring him in chemistry, alongside a long string of emoji ranging from the winky face to the eggplant.

Johnny sent a thumbs up and an alien emoji not sure how else to respond to Ten after that.

“So, Ten’s about to get dicked down by Kun, otherwise I was gonna ask you if you wanted me to invite him along with us,” Johnny said slowly trying to gauge the other’s reaction and see if having Ten along would have been an okay decision.

Taeyong snorted and nearly choked on the fry he was eating. He put his hands up and nodded his head with a frown.

“More than I needed to know, but also about fuckin time,” he laughed and threw a fry at Johnny.

“I swear if I had to listen to him one more time about how annoyed he was that Kun would rather be balls deep in his homework rather than Ten’s ass I’d probably lose my goddamn mind,” he laughed dryly and Johnny couldn’t help the snort that came out.

Of course that was Taeyong’s only complaint.

“Should I send him that?” Johnny asked teasing him as he threw a fry back at him.

Instead Taeyong made grabby hands at Johnny’s phone and the other obliged him, handing his new phone over without a care.

Taeyong quickly put in Johnny’s password and the other frowned a little at how predictable he was that Taeyong already knew what it was and watched as he navigated to Johnny’s messages.

“Thumbs up alien emoji? I don’t think I can top that,” he laughed but typed something anyways and hit send. He fiddled around a little more with Johnny’s phone. The other didn’t mind and just waited patiently for him to finish.

His curiosity was piqued when the younger frowned and pulled out his own phone, scrolling through seemingly in search of something specific.

When Taeyong finally handed his phone over to him once again, Johnny unlocked the phone and was immediately met with a wallpaper he most definitely hadn’t set himself with a photo he had thought he lost months ago with one of his other phone transfers.

Staring at him behind his app tiles was a picture from that damned summer in Chicago, in front of the same rose bush that had left a scar on Taeyong’s face. Taeyong was pressing a drunk smooch to Johnny’s cheek while the other was staring in shock at the camera as the younger caught the moment on film— forever immortalizing Taeyong’s first and probably _only_ kiss with Johnny.

“You still have this, weirdo?” Johnny asked with an arched brow, flashing to phone screen at Taeyong who shrugged.

“I loved the candid look on your face,” he said slowly and matter of factly.

It was no use trying to get more out of Taeyong on the topic— Johnny learned that once Taeyong went deadpan on a topic there was no wringing more information out of him. Besides there was probably no other underlying reason— it’s not like Taeyong _liked_ him anyways.

Johnny shoved the disappointment to the back of his mind and scrolled back to his messages to see what Taeyong had sent Ten.

_“I hope you choke on his dick. __♡ TY”_ Johnny read aloud with a snort.

Taeyong winked and took one last sip of his milkshake.

“Classy,” Johnny laughed and pocketed his phone before swinging out of the booth and extending his hand to Taeyong to help pull him out as well, noticing for the first time that Taeyong was in sweat pants bunched midway up his calf and a pair of Nike’s he usually wore to the studio.

Of course, Johnny signed to himself, even without his offer, Taeyong had every intention of going to the studio after eating and working himself to exhaustion.

Taeyong slid past Johnny to the counter, receipt in hand and paid for both their meals— even against Johnny’s protest.

“Your phone broke because of me, it’s the least I can do,” he said flippantly.

Johnny wanted to call his bullshit on it, Taeyong was always paying for Johnny with his never ending book of excuses but held his tongue. He’d gotten into too many arguments before with the other over this exact thing.

In the back of his mind, Johnny made a note to be faster at pulling out his wallet next time so he could pay for the other.

“Besides, Johnny, we’re friends,” he started as he handed his card over to the cashier. “Friends take care of each other, right?” he added as his card was handed back to him, along with a pen to sign the merchant copy of the receipt.

“Of course, Taeyong, thank you,” he sighed in defeat.

_Friends take care of each other_, Johnny repeated to himself. Of course they were friends.

Just friends.

He had to calm his thoughts before the other turned around and caught wind of Johnny’s downcast eyes and subtle frown as he mulled over the words.

“Let’s get back to my place and then head to the studio?” Johnny offered, glancing back at their booth to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything before placing his hand on the small of Taeyong’s back to gently guide him out of the crowded entry way of the restaurant.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He often found himself in a confusing tide of push and pull games like this— pushing Johnny to feed the small flicker of hope in his heart and Johnny pulling those same responses out of him, and Taeyong wasn’t sure what to think so he tried not to— which never helped the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter! I worry the pacing is too slow but other than that I think I like it. 
> 
> Small warning for this chapter: there's very brief and minor past internalized homophobia. If that sort of thing bothers you, I'm very sorry. It's not very explicit, just a fleeting memory of one of the characters, who has since worked past it. 
> 
> That being said, thank you for reading this chapter!

The trip to Johnny’s apartment wasn’t a long one, nor was it particularly eventful— the two boys spent most of the time avoiding looking up at the blistering sun, shielding their vulnerable eyes from the unforgiving rays. Occasionally, Taeyong would readjust the hat on his head, tugging the brim further down to shield himself away.

Johnny had opted for them walking and Taeyong really didn’t have a complaint about it either— Johnny because he wasn’t particularly keen on the turbulence of public transport and Taeyong simply because he knew it would be a quick way to start warming up before he arrived at the studio to stay for what would most likely be hours.

Johnny’s apartment was a mess, to put it lightly. His roommate was a freshman who didn’t seem to have a concept of cleaning or chores— something Taeyong wasn’t really fond of when he first met the other.

Mark— Johnny’s roommate— was a sweet kid, even if Taeyong thought he could learn to use a laundry basket or vacuum cleaner once in a while. Really, Taeyong knew his own apartment wasn’t the picture of cleanliness either at the current moment so he kept his thoughts to himself, to avoid Johnny pointing out the mess he was less than proud of.

Mark’s laundry was scattered over all of the furniture making Taeyong hesitant to sit down while Johnny meandered to his bedroom to pack up his laptop and a couple text books. Instead he settled for shifting his weight awkwardly from foot too foot as he glanced around the room.

It was small and a little too crowded after Mark had moved in. Johnny had always been into the minimalistic style which Taeyong could see poking through the clutter, but Johnny also loved to buy things— even if he didn’t need them so things had a tendency to accumulate.

Before, when it had just been Johnny in the apartment it was easier for him to manage, with the help of Taeyong of course— who often helped him organize while he decorated, but after Mark moved in the atmosphere changed into the apartment. It wasn’t a bad change and Taeyong’s only gripe was Mark just didn’t know how to contain his messes to his own room.

His eyes landed on the worn and scuffed coffee table. A picture frame sat next to a lamp and a fake succulent and Taeyong couldn’t help the contemplative smile that broke out on his face.

Inside the frame was a polaroid Johnny had taken with him the night before he left America for the first time. They were inside Johnny’s childhood treehouse curled up with blankets and pillows and two six packs of cheap beer Taeyong had paid some stranger outside the liquor store to buy for him.

Johnny had made him promise to text him through KKT every once in a while and Taeyong had promised he’d be back to see him again someday.

They had fallen asleep in there despite the chilly March air— Taeyong almost not waking up in time to sneak back before he was discovered missing— again— and Johnny nearly getting discovered by his father as he was leaving for work in the morning.

The sound of Johnny shutting his bedroom door startled him out of his memories. He wasn’t sure how long Johnny intended to stay with him at the studio but he felt bad when the other emerged from the small hallway with a heavy backpack filled to the brim with books.

“You know, you really don’t have to come with,” Taeyong offered quietly, the situation fully dawning on him that he would be inconveniencing Johnny who would be able to complete his assignments much more comfortably from the sofa— or his bed if sitting among Mark’s questionably clean laundry wasn’t his cup of tea.

“I know, Yong, but I want to,” Johnny smiled honestly at Taeyong and he could feel his heart flutter and his stomach do flips. He wasn’t usually this weak except for when it came to Johnny. His nonchalant façade always seemed to drop and he would find himself questioning if Johnny _actually_ liked being around him or if he felt obligated to spend time with him. He hated the insecurity he felt whenever Johnny was this close to him.

Johnny’s deep chocolate eyes also had the tendency to make him feel like a fifteen year old school kid in the movies with a crush— the awkward kind that still passed notes in the days of texting. The “Do you like me? Check Yes or Check No,” notes stuck through the vents of lockers or passed by four or five classmates, praying it got to the right desk without being intercepted.

He only had one year of American high school growing up, being part of an exchange program his second year of high school, and it hadn’t been anything like that. Kids were brutal in high school and Taeyong with his wide eyes and limited English— he still wasn’t sure how he had managed to qualify for the program when he could barely speak the language— was always getting lost in the hallways.

His host hadn’t been the kindest to him either, he often got annoyed at Taeyong for asking questions or for clarification, but Johnny with his warm eyes and friendly smile made him feel welcome. He was the first person who actually took the time trying to communicate without making him feel like the biggest idiot on the planet because English was _hard_.

It was really thanks to Johnny that he had even picked up any English at all and didn’t fail his classes.

Even back then Johnny had loved literature and had wanted to be an English teacher one day— so of course he had pounced on the opportunity to actually _teach_ English to someone who barely understood the fundamentals.

And now here he was, attending college in America— completely fluent, all thanks to Johnny and his relentless teaching methods even after Taeyong had gone back to Korea.

“You’d be a lot more comfortable here though,” Taeyong gestured to a worn recliner with questionable stains on it. Johnny had purchased it from a thrift store when he first moved into this apartment. Taeyong particularly hated that piece of furniture the most but it was one of Johnny’s favorites somehow.

It wasn’t enough that Johnny had said he _wanted_ to go with— the selfish part of Taeyong’s brain wanted Johnny to elaborate, to feed his ego and tell him that he wanted to come with to be with him specifically. It was his insecurities talking and he hated it. He hoped his questioning wouldn’t backfire and cause Johnny give in and abandon him in favor of his bed.

“Do you not want me to come with you?” Johnny asked and a wave of guilt washed over him as he took in the disappointed look in the other’s eyes. He wanted to pretend that it was Johnny’s way of pressing him to admit to wanting him around— but that was maybe too hopeful and stupid.

Johnny had always made it clear they were just friends and Taeyong always selfishly pushed the boundaries too scared to actually make any moves— wanting Johnny to act if it was something he wanted.

He often found himself in a confusing tide of push and pull games like this— pushing Johnny to feed the small flicker of hope in his heart and Johnny pulling those same responses out of him, and Taeyong wasn’t sure what to think so he tried not to— which never helped the situation.

Not thinking about it always led to moments like back in his kitchen where they had just been messing around but then his dumb jokes had led to Johnny tripping and accidentally pressing him against the counter and his stupid mouth letting out a moan of all things when Johnny was just trying to steady himself.

Moments where his judgement fogged and he found himself staring at Johnny’s lips silently pleading for the other to lean down and kiss him like he was starving and Taeyong’s lips were all he needed to survive— or something as equally cliché from Johnny’s favorite romance novels.

He swallowed his pride and the dangerous thoughts that were surfacing in his brain before they went too far— as they often did.

“Of course I want you to come with,” and the grin that broke out on Johnny’s face was worth it— beaming brighter than the sun and Taeyong’s heart could barely manage it. His own grin spreading across his lips as Johnny slung his arm over his shoulders and led him out of the apartment.

He fought back the warm blush that threatened to spread across his face. The more he tried to fight the more he became aware of Johnny’s arm around him, the electric pinpricks of his skin against the nape of his neck and the heavy weight of his own hidden feelings— chaining him down until he almost felt like he was under water watching as the surface drifted further and further away from him and the darkest depths threatened to swallow him whole.

Taeyong shook his head gently— he had to clear his head of all these useless thoughts and focus on what really mattered at the moment.

If he could just focus on his dance and improving his choreography then he could let Johnny fall into the background of his mind to deal with later.

Ranking outside of the top three of their level was out of the question. He needed to beat out at least two hundred other dancers in their school and he couldn’t do that with thoughts of Johnny floating around in his head distracting him and making his movements subpar.

He needed to find a way to transform that energy into something that could benefit him on the dancefloor. He hoped maybe having Johnny there would be the fuel he needed— even if his thought process seemed a little bit backwards and Johnny was the whole reason he had this weird energy swirling inside his blood.

It was later than usual when he arrived at the studio and it seemed to be a bit busier than normal if the amount of people in the halls and locker room were anything to go by.

He felt his heart sink at the idea of coming too late and not being able to get an empty room or worse: having to wait for one— he tried to bench those thoughts as he made his way to the far corner of the locker room to where his usual locker was, the metallic red lock glinted in the florescent lights.

They weren’t supposed to keep lockers while they weren’t there however he was there every day for hours on end that the owners really didn’t mind if he kept one to himself. They only imposed one rule on him— he couldn’t keep food in it if he wasn’t in the building.

It was a fair deal in his opinion and helped him cut back on what he had to drag back and forth with him since he lived a hefty distance away. It also made him cut back on the processed junk food and instant noodles he consumed that always left him feeling like shit anyways.

Johnny had followed him into the locker room but had since taken up residence at one of the chairs near the vending machine, new phone in hand while he scrolled social media.

It wasn’t the first time Johnny had come with and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. The thought alone made his heart skip a beat as he put his combination into his lock to pull out his pale blue bottle to fill with water.

The bottle was cool to the touch and helped him calm himself down enough to gather his thoughts as he began to focus on the choreography he had come to practice. As he filled the bottle he mentally went over each step of the dance, playing the whole dance out in his mind and losing himself in it.

Johnny seemed to be able to sense the tension in his friend’s shoulders as they exited the locker room and placed a hand between his shoulder blades in a feeble attempt to comfort him. He always seemed to know when Taeyong needed his gentle touches the most.

Taeyong turned his head slowly and Johnny watched the ice of concentration melt off his face as he offered a kind smile to him, a silent thank you when the younger wasn’t sure if he could find his voice.

The moment was cut short— words on the tip of Johnny’s tongue as a kid came running down the hallway full speed and wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s waist— nearly knocking the man over. The boy buried his face in the older man’s shoulder and squeezed him tight.

It was almost comical to Johnny how someone with such a baby face nearly dwarfed his friend in terms of size. Taeyong wasn’t tiny or anything, but he definitely wasn’t big either. As Ten had described it before, Taeyong had the body of a dancer— thin and lithe with a toned sinewy build. Johnny liked how his best friend’s legs seemed to stretch on for miles and made up the bulk of his height— yet he was still shorter than him.

“Taeyong!” the younger greeted as he peeled himself off of the red haired male.

Taeyong couldn’t help the grin that split across his face as the younger blond boy beamed up at him.

“Nana was just saying he didn’t think you were gonna show up today,” Taeyong laughed as if it were some kind of joke as he shared a knowing look with the younger— they both knew that Taeyong practically _lived_ at the studio. He could probably count on one hand the number of days he _wasn’t_ there in the last six months.

“Why, were you taking bets on me, Jisungie?” he asked in a teasing tone as he reached out to ruffle the younger boy’s hair.

Jisung simply bowed his head and looked at his feet, a bashful blush lit up his cheeks as he murmured a quiet and drawn out, “Maybe.”

“Well who won then?” Johnny asked, genuinely curious and laughed as the youngest snapped his head up with wide eyes.

“Me of course! Jaemin is,” he left his sentence hanging with wet intake of breath and a slight head tilt and an awkward grin.

The two older men shared a gentle chuckle as they heard Jaemin’s voice— loud as ever— call from somewhere down the hallway looking for Jisung.

“Should we go show him your victory?” Taeyong asked with a wink, not waiting for Jisung’s answer as he easily strode passed the blond— completely ignoring his protests.

“Don’t worry we won’t tell him you were talking shit,” Johnny chuckled as Jisung’s eyes got impossibly wide in mild fear.

Taeyong could hear Johnny only a few paces behind him and Jisung’s hurried footsteps as he rushed to catch up to them.

He remembered the first time he had met Jisung two years ago. He was twenty-one and Jisung fourteen. The younger had been begging his parents to let him stay a while longer because he wasn’t ready to leave yet.

Something had resonated in Taeyong with the way his parents had given him a disapproving look as they mentioned his slipping grades and the desperate way Jisung had pleaded to let him stay just an extra half hour— bargaining that he would study all day on Sunday if they let him have thirty more minutes today.

Taeyong remembered the days of trying to convince his own father to let him continue dancing and that it wasn’t a waste of time— it was something he loved and was passionate about.

When Jisung’s parents had finally relented, Taeyong himself felt a tiny relieved sigh escape him. He hadn’t been meaning to eavesdrop or become emotionally invested in the conversation but something in Jisung’s pleading tone struck a chord in him.

He had seen Jisung around, the kid was almost always there after school and on the weekends, sometimes he would sit in on his own practices with Ten and Sicheng, watching in awe— very similar to the way he himself used to always watch Jongin and Taemin with stars dancing in his eyes when he was younger— still living in Korea at the time.

“Heard you didn’t think I’d show up, punk,” Taeyong called out as he lazily slouched against the door frame, eyes locking with Jaemin’s. A smug grin played on his face as he watched Jaemin’s large eyes turn to him in surprise before his face broke out into a massive smile. Immediately he stopped what he was doing— squirting his friend with his water bottle— and ran over to Taeyong.

Taeyong let his face soften as Jaemin reached out and playfully punched Taeyong in the shoulder— the older wobbled in an over exaggerated manner and pretended like Jaemin had almost knocked him over. Only ended up actually losing his balance and landed flush against Johnny’s broad chest, blushing slightly when large warm hands encircled his waist to steady him.

“It’s not my fault it’s nearly five and you’re just now showing up,” Jaemin had a way of speaking indignantly and cutely at the same time that always had Taeyong laughing. Every time he used that tone he felt as if the younger were trying to admonish him while still trying to pay his respects to his seniors.

Jaemin had also been one of the few kids that sat in when he was practicing, he really looked up to Ten the most out of the three of them whereas Jisung had always focused on him and came to his own solo practices if he left the door open— a silent invite to the kids, welcoming them in if they wanted.

“I was out having fun,” Taeyong stuck his tongue out and Jaemin snorted. He felt a low rumbling chuckle deep in Johnny’s chest that reminded him he was still leaning against the other. Flustered, he pulled forward to free himself of the other’s grip— missing the heat almost instantly.

“You’re like Jeno, you don’t know how to have fun, it’s always dance, dance, dance with you,” in the background a boy with dark hair let out a disgruntled “Hey!” and half heartedly threw his hoodie at Jaemin.

“Do you even sleep, Taeyong?” Jaemin continued in his motherly tirade, eyes narrowed playfully pretending to scold the elder.

Behind him, Johnny couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him, watching his stubborn best friend get admonished by a kid five years younger than him.

“Yes I sleep! I slept this morning!” Taeyong pouted, brows furrowed not liking how he was suddenly being attacked by these kids. Despite everything however, the whole situation just served to endear them more to him at the same time.

He could feel Johnny biting his tongue wanting to tell them that passing out drunk on the roof didn’t count as sleeping, but he stopped himself. Taeyong felt at least a little relieved that the eldest was allowing him to keep some of his dignity in this situation— even if it was just barely.

“Why were you taking bets on if he’d show up anyways?” Johnny asked. He wasn’t as familiar with these kids as Taeyong was, but they still sort of knew each other enough that it wasn’t awkward for him to interject in the conversation.

The boy in the back, Jeno Taeyong thinks, came forward. His face and hair still dripping from when Jaemin shot him with the water only a few minutes prior— not really caring enough to bother wiping the water off.

“We wanted to ask Taeyong if he could help us out real fast,” Jeno started as he tugged at Jaemin’s arm to use his sleeve to finally wipe the water off his face. Jaemin’s nose scrunched up as he tried to snatch his arm back— Jeno in return just bit his sleeve and held his arm there for a moment as the two side eyed each other before eventually breaking into a fit of play wrestling.

Taeyong felt his shoulders tense up for a moment— really he had come to practice on his own and improve his own choreography with his grades at stake, but he also could never say no to the kids. If they thought he was good enough to help them and looked up to him enough to ask his advice, he knew he couldn’t let them down either— even if he knew deep down they would completely understand if he said no.

He felt Johnny’s hands on his shoulders again as if telling him, “It’s okay, just breathe.” And that’s what Taeyong did. He took a calming breath and smiled at the group in front of him.

They did say “real fast” he reasoned, so what would the harm be in humoring them for a little bit— he had all night for his own practice anyways.

“Yeah, what’s up?” he finally asked once Jeno and Jaemin had directed their attention back to him and off choking each other.

Jisung had also wormed his way into the room and was sitting cross legged in the middle doing his stretches and minding his own business.

“So there’s a part in the choreography we’re working on,” Jaemin started, lips pursed thoughtfully.

“And it doesn’t quite flow in one part since it’s meant for four,” Jeno continued, picking up Jaemin’s thoughts effortlessly.

“But since Haechannie is visiting family in Jeju we have to accommodate his absence,” Jaemin followed through with the end of their shared thoughts.

Taeyong always marveled how the two always seemed to be on the same wavelength and could finish each other’s sentences without batting an eye. It reminded him so much of Jongin and Taemin and how fluid everything was when they were together— he was always a little envious of that kind of connection with people, especially dance partners. He had had it once before and was set to marry her— until it had all come crumbling apart.

He and Ten understood each other and had no problems in communicating but it was never quite on the same level as what Jeno and Jaemin had, or what he had had before with Seulgi, but those thoughts he needed to banish. It had been a year already and yet she still crept into his brain sometimes.

Even Ten seemed to be on a closer wavelength to Sicheng than he was with either of them. Taeyong figured it was because they had known each other longer and had started out in very similar styles of dance.

Taeyong bit his lip and tried to push those thoughts away too for later, they wouldn’t help him now and weren’t useful in the least. Instead he wanted to focus on the boys in front of him and then his own dance.

“Yeah, I can help out, show me the whole dance and we can go from there?” He offered. Johnny’s hand lingered on his back before nudging him forward into the room with the others, putting a bit of space between them finally.

“I think I’m gonna go grab a coffee upstairs,” Johnny whispered quietly in his ear, causing Taeyong’s mind to reel. Did he make the wrong decision? Was Johnny already regretting coming along to the studio? His heart began to sink as his mind filled in hundreds of different reasons as to why Johnny might not have wanted to stay.

Quickly, he turned on his heel to face Johnny, his eyes were large and betraying his internal panic, it wasn’t intentional, but it still slipped past his defenses. The eldest didn’t comment on it if he had even noticed.

However, as if reading Taeyong’s mind, Johnny placed his hand on the smaller’s shoulder once more and smiled before speaking.

“Sleeping on the roof is catching up to me, I’ll be right back,” he gave a gentle squeeze, reassuring Taeyong and the younger felt the apprehension ease out of his body as understanding slowly dawned on him.

Now that Johnny had pointed it out, Taeyong realized the only thing keeping him upright at the given moment was the fear of ranking dead last and needing to improve like his life depended on it— his future as a dancer certainly did.

“Do you want anything?” Johnny added, noting the bags under his eyes with a sad smile. He could see the stress rolling off of Taeyong in waves— the stress he was trying so hard to hide under bravado and gentle teasing words directed at the group of kids.

“No, I’m okay,” Taeyong nodded with a finality that had Johnny doubting the truth behind his words but gave Taeyong’s shoulder one more squeeze before retreating down the hall.

With Johnny out of his personal space a haze seemed to clear a little from his mind and he wasn’t sure what it meant, but at least now he was able to focus his undivided attention on the boys in front of him and let himself fall into his element.

Crossing the room, Taeyong sat down in front of the mirrors at the front— folded his legs and pulled them to his chest to rest his chin on, while the other three got into their positions. Jaemin took his phone from his pocket and shortly after a song started playing from the speaker system in the room— echoing loud as it bounced off the walls.

Taeyong paid close attention to them, eyes scanning their choreography with a practiced and critical eye, noting all of their movements individually and how they flowed together with each other while still showcasing their own unique styles. They were a cohesive and solid unit and he felt pride swell deep in his chest.

When Jisung took the center position Taeyong felt his heart sing with a different sort pride—a paternal sort. All three of them were incredible dancers but he had always had a particularly soft spot for Jisung who worked his ass off both in the studio and academically just to please his parents. It was something Taeyong related to on a personal level and couldn’t help but be a little biased towards him.

He watched from start to finish, and when the boys stopped— Jaemin squatting to catch his breath and Jeno settling into a lunging position while Jisung sprawled out on the floor— Taeyong slowly stood up and walked over to them.

“It was great, you guys did really well,” he congratulated them and offered a hand to pull Jisung to sit up after he seemed to have caught his breath.

“It was the part near the bridge you guys were worried about though, right?” he asked as he handed a bottle of water to Jaemin, who nodded in response.

“Yeah, the formation is made for four and it looks weird with a gap in one spot,” Jeno offered. Taeyong nodded contemplatively and took a seat again, biting his lower lip as he thought through all of the possible ways to fix it that wouldn’t alter the choreography too much or be too difficult to achieve from where they were coming from.

“I was thinking,” Jisung spoke up shyly, keeping his head bowed and averting his eyes from anyone else— hyper focusing on his shoe lace and the fraying plastic cap on it.

Everyone stayed silent to let him speak, watching him intently only seemed to make him more nervous. He shook his head and tried to brush it off.

“Never mind it wouldn’t work,” he finished quietly as he pulled too hard on his shoe lace and untied his sneaker.

Taeyong’s face softened as crouched down to be level with Jisung. He watched the other fumble over his shoelaces and placed his hand on the younger’s knee.

“What’s your idea, Jisung? We can try it out,” he spoke gently, scared of sounding too demanding or harsh with him while he was so clearly struggling with his confidence at the moment, another thing Taeyong empathized with the other.

“I dunno, I was just thinking instead of being in a diagonal line like that we could do kind of a V shape,” he said, biting his lip anxiously. When everyone stayed silent he looked up and saw that they were all mulling it over.

“You mean like instead of you moving so far off to the left maybe bring you forward and in right so you’re even with Jeno?” he paused as he tried to think it through, forming a picture in his mind before continuing, “and then have Jaemin move forward as well?” Taeyong asked as he tried to finish the picture Jisung had tried to explain.

The youngest shook his head and Taeyong cocked his own to the left a little in a silent question.

“Well sort of, but have Jaemin move back like he’s supposed to, just a little more back and centered between us,” he said and Jaemin seemed to perk up at the idea and Jeno hummed in agreement.

“It wouldn’t be too far from my starting position at the bridge so it won’t be difficult and all Jaemin would have to do is take a bit of a bigger step each time to get to where he needs to be,” he finished and Taeyong couldn’t help the beaming grin that plastered on his face.

A warm wash of pride filled him as he mentally played their choreography in his mind and realized the fix that Jisung had suggested was very similar to what he himself would have proposed—even a little better than his own idea.

Just as they had stood up and agreed to go over the choreography again from the top to see how well it worked, the door to the practice room had opened, revealing Johnny with his bag slung over his shoulder and two drinks in his hand.

Taeyong fought back the blush on his cheeks when he realized the milky pink one was for him. Instead shot Johnny a half-hearted glare and a nose scrunch, but still graciously accepted the drink from him. Butterflies flitted around in his stomach when he read the label and noticed Johnny remembered his favorite drink down to his customizations—two shots of dragon fruit puree and a scoop of blackberries.

Johnny settled down beside him, bringing his backpack onto his lap so he wouldn’t drop it on the floor, and slid closer to Taeyong to whisper in his ear as the music began again.

“How’s it coming along?” he asked, not really expecting too much of an answer out of the other with how focused his eyes were on the kids, but tried to show his interest anyways which Taeyong appreciated.

“Good, I think Jisung came up with the perfect solution,” he motioned for Johnny to watch as the chorus was ending and leading into the bridge. Taeyong was watching with baited breath and unblinking eyes.

Johnny didn’t know what he was looking for but watched intently anyways— he didn’t know much about dance that was true, but he knew how important it was to everyone else in the room and respected it as such.

He didn’t miss the pleased grin on his friend’s face when the bridge was coming to an end without any major hitches and the song began wrapping up.

This time as soon as the song ended, Taeyong stood immediately and rushed over to Jisung to ruffle his hair to congratulate him— the youngest beamed as he let Taeyong’s praise wash over him and Jeno and Jaemin patted his back as well.

“That was almost perfect! You guys just need to work out the timing, but I think you’ll be set,” Taeyong congratulated, still grinning at them.

“I’m so proud of you, my little choreographer!” Johnny couldn’t help but smile at how excited Taeyong was over it or the way Jisung beamed at him with red cheeks.

When long gangly arms locked around his torso and a face buried in his neck, Taeyong was caught off guard again and stared down at Jisung for a moment. He moved his drink away and wrapped his free arm around the younger boy, rubbing his back.

He noticed belatedly that Jisung was crying into his shirt which just caused the elder to squeeze tighter for a moment before pulling Jisung off him and chuckling softly.

“Hey, no tears kid, you did great,” he soothed, Jaemin started laughing off to the side and Jeno punched him playfully in the chest and told him to “shut the hell up.”

Jisung sniffled bowing his head as he tried to wipe his tears with the back of his hand before standing upright and tilting his head to the ceiling a few times to blink back his tears. Taeyong stood patiently waiting for Jisung to collect himself, watching Jeno and Jaemin wrestling to the side in mild amusement.

It wasn’t so much of Jeno and Jaemin wrestling as it was Jaemin holding Jeno in a headlock while the other squirmed and tried to wrap his arms around the other’s waist.

“Thank you, Taeyongie,” he finally said, unshed tears still glistening in his eyes but no more rolling down his cheeks.

“I didn’t do anything, Jisung, that was all your idea,” he rubbed his shoulders, chuckling at Jaemin and Jeno play fighting in the corner— completely oblivious to their best friend sobbing in the middle of the room. He really didn’t expect anything less out of the three of them.

And when Johnny’s cousin, Donghyuck, was involved it was about seven times louder but only four times as violent, Taeyong thought to himself.

Jisung’s quiet crying continued a few moments longer before he was finally able to wipe his tears for good, feeling only a little embarrassed for crying in front of Taeyong like that— he knew Jaemin was going to give him shit for it later but for right now he wanted to focus on the fuzzy feeling of having his role model supporting him.

It wasn’t long after that Taeyong finally bid his goodbyes to the kids with the promise of checking up on them later in the week if they wanted before leaving the room with Johnny in toe.

He really did feel a little better now after having spent about an hour with the kids, trying to figure out their choreography helped put him in a better state of mind to work on his, like it wasn’t some huge impossible task that he would only ever fail at.

“Those kids adore you,” Johnny laughed as they walked comfortably down the hall, in search of an empty room. He shifted his backpack from one shoulder to the other, the weight clearly affecting him after having toted it around on the way to the studio earlier.

Taeyong sipped on his drink and frowned when a berry got caught in the straw, clogging it. He reached over to Johnny and slid the bag off his shoulder and onto his own, ignoring the way Johnny protested and tried to take it back.

“They’re good kids,” Taeyong supplied, not even bothering to address Johnny’s scowl.

He gave up on his drink for the moment and poked his head into a room that had an open door and no music coming out of it. However, as quickly as he had stepped in he had just as quickly darted out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

Looking mildly petrified he muttered a soft and drawn out, “nope,” before turning his attention back to Johnny.

“Jisung reminds me a lot of how I was when I was younger,” he explained, deciding not to tell Johnny what he witnessed in the practice room and to shove it as far from his mind as possible.

Instead he recalled a story he had shared with Johnny one night— before they were really as close as they had become. They were fifteen, skipping gym class because the P.E. teacher hated Taeyong for some ungodly reason and always sought to make his life hell in that class.

Looking back Taeyong mused that it was probably because he was horrible at sports and had kicked a soccer ball straight into the main’s groin on his very first day of American high school.

They were under the bleachers in the upstairs gym— no one went up there since it was above the pool. The gym was always humid and the chlorine fumes were strong enough to irritate his nose. Students had told him ghost stories about the gym— about how it was haunted by the ghost of a girl who was killed by her boyfriend up there.

Even if the stories freaked him out a little bit it was still better than being screamed at in a language he didn’t know too well— and besides, Johnny had told him all the stories were fake and no one died up there. Taeyong gladly believed him just so he could forget about the ghost stories, not that he’d ever admit that to Johnny. He suspected the other knew anyways though.

Taeyong had his knees to his chest and fleetingly thought that Johnny’s eyes were beautiful in the dim light. The gold lights from the hallway reflecting in them and making them a deep amber shade.

Taeyong had maybe about two more months in the states before he was supposed to go back home to Korea. The school terms didn’t line up so his exchange ended in March when the new term started at his school back home rather than in June when the Chicago year ended— but he wasn’t ready to leave yet.

He didn’t expect it but he had grown fond of Chicago and the freezing cold winter and blistering hot summer. He’d also grown quite fond of Johnny unexpectedly which was how he’d ended up in some attic gym in a school in a foreign country pouring his heart out in broken English mixed with Korean.

He recalled spilling everything to Johnny about how his dad absolutely hated that he loved dancing, and how he thought it was a waste of time— that dance would never lead him to a successful career to bring in a lot of money to support a wife and kids, and eventually his parents.

He wasn’t good at academics, he understood just enough of his course work to skate by and somehow get selected for an exchange program— he still wasn’t sure how that happened to this day. He wasn’t like his sister who was amazing at chemistry and went on to become a pharmacist, he’d never be like his dad— an accountant for one of the biggest corporations in the country because he was terrible at math. He couldn’t even live up to his mother, an entrepreneur with a successful pastry shop in the heart of Seoul. He sometimes felt like he didn’t fit in a family full of career oriented people.

He wasn’t good at any of those things, he wasn’t even that great at dancing if he was being totally honest, but it was something that made him happy and gave him something to look forward to at the end of the day.

Taeyong explained to Johnny how he always told his parents he was going to cram school after classes but never actually attended once. Instead he was sneaking off with his girlfriend at the time— Seulgi.

That name brought a wave of anger and hurt over him that he swallowed quickly and pushed down— no use getting angry over it now.

He remembered pouring that to Johnny switching between English and Korean when he couldn’t articulate himself well enough and hoping Johnny’s Korean was good enough to understand what he couldn’t say in English.

Maybe that had been the first moment he thought to himself, “I want to kiss him.”

And then immediately brushed those thoughts out of his head because Johnny had a girlfriend and she was beautiful and suddenly he was embarrassed. He had a girlfriend too which remembering her had only made him more embarrassed at the time— and liking boys wasn’t even a thing he knew was a possibility either which had only served to confuse him more and further his embarrassment.

“Hey, Yong?” Johnny asked, nudging his friend who had seemed so lost in thought that he stopped walking entirely, a fog coming over his eyes and various emotions flitting across his face.

“Sorry. Just thinking,” he laughed and shook his head, willing away the stupid blush that had spread over him for the hundredth time that day and burying deep inside him the painful wounds left behind by Seulgi.

“About what?” Johnny turned to face him directly, gentle smile on his face. Taeyong waved his hand to dismiss the thought, not wanting to dwell on any of those emotions— the happy or the painful.

“Come on,” the older whined imploringly and giving Taeyong his version of puppy dog eyes that had his heart pounding in his chest. “Don’t be like that, tell me,” he continued, pressing his friend as he wiggled closer and closer with each syllable, hands threatening to reach out for Taeyong’s sides where he knew the other was ticklish.

After a moment of contemplation, Taeyong schooled his thoughts and put on his mask of bravado once more, eyes narrowing as he watched Johnny— carefully reading his body language, anticipating any moment for Johnny to lunge at him and attack his sensitive waist with his hands.

“About the first time I made you ditch class,” he said flippantly and strode past Johnny, breezing past him nonchalantly as he finally found an empty room— successfully avoiding any attacks Johnny might have been planning. He felt smug and could feel the confusion on Johnny’s face.

“It wasn’t the first time,” he called out indignantly— both knowing it was a flat out lie. Johnny had nothing to hide from Taeyong at this point in their friendship, but somehow still felt the need to defend sixteen year old Johnny’s honor. They both knew Johnny despite his cool kid façade back then had actually been too scared to do more than crack jokes in class and pass notes.

“Yeah sure, that’s why you nearly shit your pants when someone came into the gym,” Taeyong shot back, not bothering to look at the other. He could feel the heat rising to Johnny’s cheeks from ten feet away.

“And pulled me into the supply closet,” he added with a laugh, recalling how Johnny had shoved his hand over his mouth— muffling his surprised squawk and yanked him into the smelly closet.

“Listen, listen,” Johnny called after him, voice rising an octave as he protested. Taeyong turned to look at Johnny, he had one eyebrow arched and a hand on his cocked hip. He took a sip of his drink with a judgmental gaze directed to Johnny.

“Listening,” he sang sarcastically to the other. Johnny frowned and felt small under the eyes of his best friend suddenly and his protests died in his throat for a moment.

“I was more scared for you getting in trouble,” he retorts huffing a breath and hiding his face behind taking a sip of his cold brew.

Taeyong rolled his eyes with a click of his tongue and spun around, clearly not buying what Johnny was offering. He had a sly smirk on his lips knowing he was right and nothing Johnny could say or do was going to change his mind on the matter.

“I was,” Johnny whined, still trying to defend himself though the other clearly didn’t care. “I didn’t want them kicking you out if the program!” he whined.

The younger snorted but didn’t say anything else and was already further down the hallway, steps echoing in the mostly empty corridor. Johnny heaved a sigh of defeat and widened his gait to catch up with the other who was already slipping into the empty room.

It was the one furthest away from the main entrance, but Taeyong didn’t seem to care, he was more excited that he had actually found one. He quietly shed Johnny’s backpack on the floor closest to the window and beside an outlet— in case the other needed to charge his computer at any point.

This one was a little smaller than the other practice rooms he noted— it didn’t matter though it was only him who would be practicing and even if Ten had been with him it was more than enough space to adequately accommodate them both.

The door clicked shut behind Johnny when he finally entered and crossed the room to where the younger had placed their belongings.

Taeyong, meanwhile had taken a seat in the center of the floor and had already begun stretching, his phone on the ground beside him playing music quietly.

He could feel Johnny’s eyes on him and while it made him a little self-conscious as he sat there with his legs spread reaching for his toes, he elected to just focus on thoroughly stretching out his muscles. It would do no good if he were to injure himself practicing when he was going to be graded in a week’s time— too soon for any injury to heal.

He wasn’t expecting Johnny to pace over to him and take a seat on the floor to mimic the stretches he was doing.

“I figure as long as I’m going to be here, I might as well stretch my own limbs too and get comfy,” he supplied when the younger gave him a curious look. “Besides, I could always do with increasing my own flexibility,” he shrugged.

“I can help you with that,” Taeyong laughed and slid over to behind Johnny to gently push on his back so he leaned more forward into the stretch. “Let me know if it hurts,” he added quietly, applying pressure to Johnny’s shoulders and leaned into the stretch himself.

“You should be focusing on stretching yourself first, Yong,” Johnny replied, acutely aware of how close the other was— the scent of the younger’s shampoo and fabric softener filling his sense. If Taeyong noticed the quickening of his breathing he made no mention— instead he continued counting quietly before releasing Johnny.

“It’s fine, you’ll be here just as long as me,” he murmured as Johnny switched legs. “You should be comfy too,” he added as an after thought.

Taeyong already felt his own body relaxing, tension seeping out of his muscles as all the superfluous thoughts left his mind— brain focusing only on dance and becoming immersed in his environment.

Even if he hadn’t been amazing or even good when he started, the amount of years and time and effort he had poured into dance had made it into something of a comfort zone to him. It had become so second nature to him that he lived and breathed dance and when allowed into this kind of environment Taeyong felt truly in his element.

Almost as if nothing in the world mattered to him— and truthfully when the music was playing, vibrating through his body, nothing else did.

Ten was the only person who truly understood the sentiment. He’d tried explaining it to Johnny but it never seemed to fully click— though Johnny made it clear even if he didn’t get it he fully supported it, that if it was something that Taeyong loved he loved it too then.

As he finished up his own stretches, getting Johnny to help him with a few— being too flexible to really stretch it well enough on his own— his body was absolutely thrummed with anticipation, vibrating with the excitement of being able to fully lose himself in the music and hone his craft.

He was long past the days where having Johnny— or anyone really— sit in and watch him before he has perfected his choreography made him self conscious. These days it felt familiar to have Johnny there, comfortable even. He liked the attention he got when he was dancing, the way people’s eyes focused on him as if he were the only thing they could see.

Especially if it were Johnny, he thought to himself as he looked under the brim of his hat towards the other— Johnny himself feigning looking down at the screen of his laptop.

As the music started Taeyong felt his body moving as if possessed by the beat, movements fluid and precise though not nearly as effortless in appearance as he wanted. Easily, he flew across the floor as the music picked up, his hips moving with the heavy thrum of the bass, feet not missing a beat.

It was a little awkward without Ten there dancing out his own parts— especially when it came to the parts where they had to touch each other, but he didn’t really need the other to do his own parts. He already knew the whole choreography he was just working on cleaning up his own parts.

As his body dropped to the floor, hips swaying and knees spread he could make out the gasp Johnny let out and felt a smug grin spread across his lips as one of his own hands pushed his bangs back while the other traveled down his chest resting at the waistband of his sweat pants.

Even if Johnny wasn’t interested in him or anything he was glad there was still some sort of shock factor with the sensual parts of the dance. Ten had told him he looked like absolute sin, but it was one thing to hear Ten say it and a completely different thing to elicit a reaction from Johnny.

He worked hard to keep his expression schooled— keep a smoldering look in his eyes and a wolfish grin on his lips— parting them when it fit the choreography.

The whole routine had been Ten’s idea. He had wanted to go for a sexy concept this time, something bordering obscene but never crossing the line of tasteful. A few years ago, Taeyong probably would have been too embarrassed to even attempt such a thing, even now he was a little hesitant. He wasn’t sure he had the same sex appeal Ten had and was scared it might come off as “trying too hard”.

As he watched himself in the mirror he tried to push those thoughts from his head— Ten had told him thinking like that would only hold him back and make him think he wasn’t doing well. Half of sex appeal was just faking the confidence while the other half was in owning the execution.

“You talk about how important it is to let yourself go and let the music take over,” Ten’s voice rang in his head. They had been sitting on the roof of Taeyong’s apartment, so late at night it was early in the morning, panting hard and dripping sweat as the sun began to poke over the horizon.

“So what’s stopping you, Taeyong?” Ten asked after a pregnant pause.

The conversation played over and over in his mind. He knew Ten had a point, even if he hated to admit it. Ten always seemed to know the right things to say to push him just a little more and make him take himself further.

What was stopping him, he wondered as the song drew to an end— falling to his knees once more as the final note rang out.

He hated it.

He hated everything about that run through, from the way his body moved to the thoughts that invaded his brain. Taeyong wanted to scream out in frustration and tell Ten they needed to come up with a new choreography for their test— even if he knew at this point it was impossible.

Even if they had the time to start over from scratch they had already submitted the dance on paper for them to be graded on.

“That was—” Johnny’s voice cut through the quiet practice room, silencing Taeyong’s ragged breathing.

His face flushed in at the tone Johnny used, he felt embarrassment swirling in his gut at the idea that Johnny had just witnessed that and it wasn’t even good.

He prayed to anything listening that the floor would come alive and swallow him whole just so he’d never have to face Johnny again. His confidence was shot, torn to pieces and glistening on the floor in shards sharp enough to cut through him.

“Taeyong, that was incredible,” Johnny finally managed to spit out and Taeyong’s eyes went wide. Johnny thought that was good? It was a mess, it was all over the place he counted at least four times he could have been more precise with his movements.

In the less critical part of his mind— the doughy part that looked at Johnny and saw nothing but sparkles and starlight and gilded gold everything— conjured up butterflies to wreak havoc in his stomach. It left him with the simple minded thought, “Oh Johnny liked this!” and immediately he tried to banish it before he allowed that to come to the forefront of his mind and embarrass him further.

“You’re only saying that,” Taeyong teased, ignoring the flicker of hurt that crossed Johnny’s face.

He knew part of that had to be true. Johnny didn’t know what to look for and didn’t know what would be considered messing up and what would count as nailing it perfectly.

“No Taeyong, that was seriously hot,” Johnny’s tone was stern, conveying clearly that Johnny wasn’t just messing around. If Taeyong allowed that irrational part of his brain carry him away he could almost believe that there was a blush on his friend’s face that he was trying to cover.

But he couldn’t.

Those thoughts needed to be silenced to prevent him from getting his hopes up and crushing him later when inevitably whatever bubble he was floating in would burst, leaving him to struggle for purchase before plummeting to his downfall.

If he could shut them down now the easier the fall would be, he tried convinced himself— fully aware but refusing to admit that he wasn’t floating at all. He was in complete free fall, had been ever since fifteen, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

He was absolutely head over heels falling in the endless sky that was Johnny’s warm embrace and unconditional support of his dreams and simultaneously in complete denial about it— according to Ten.

Because Ten with his sharp eyes and quick tongue knew everything, Taeyong thought warily.

What did Ten know anyways? He wasn’t even part of the equation— he didn’t know anything.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” Taeyong asked, rolling onto his side then onto his stomach to stare at his friend, a free hand reaching out for the hat he had tossed aside earlier. He was still a little apprehensive about the choreography. It wasn’t that he was afraid of showing off his sex appeal, it was just that Ten sometimes liked to over do it— which absolutely worked for Ten but maybe not for him.

“Taeyong, have I ever given you anything but my most honest opinion?” Johnny shot back at Taeyong as he slid his laptop screen closed and crawled on the floor closer to the smaller. Taeyong pulled the hat over his face in a feeble attempt to hide.

After mulling the sentence over in his head a few times and failing to come up with a retort he just growled in exasperation before rolling onto his back and gazing up at the ceiling— hat thrown carelessly across the room.

“I hate it when you have a point,” he grumbled and focused on the way the light above him was a different color than the others.

He completely missed Johnny moving to lay beside him, head to head with the other’s body facing the other way, until he felt Johnny’s warm breath on his cheek and intense eyes boring into his soul.

Breath caught in his throat, Taeyong turned his head to face Johnny, leveling him with an unreadable gaze. Eyes searching the other’s for anything that could hint at Johnny not telling him the truth.

When he couldn’t find anything, his eyes shifted, taking in the other’s face— from his deep chocolate eyes to his cheery red lips that seemed to be caught in a perpetual pout, to the faint littering of fading stress acne along his cheeks and then back to his pouty lips.

It would be so easy, his mind supplied too eagerly.

Suddenly all thought in his mind vanished as he felt a large hand cup his face, thumb running over his high cheekbones. The only thing Taeyong could focus on was the electricity coursing though his skin and Johnny’s lips only a few inches away from his.

The distance between them so small and yet far too big at the same time and Taeyong found himself desperately wanting to lean into the hand but instead found himself pulling away.

He couldn’t take advantage of Johnny’s gentle heart like that. Johnny who was only trying to comfort him right now, oblivious to the nasty thoughts screaming through his best friend’s head— unaware of the way Taeyong’s blood sang in his veins any time their hands so much as brushed each other.

Johnny coughed stiffly before sitting up and offering a hand to Taeyong to help him up.

“Right, so,” Johnny let out awkwardly retracting his hand when it was clear the other wasn’t going to take it. “You should probably get back to practicing, not that you need it or anything,” he continued words tumbling out of his mouth before he could catch them.

“I mean because knowing you, you just,” his eyes searched Taeyong’s in a mild panic— words on the tip of his tongue not coming out the way he wanted them to.

“Knowing me?” Taeyong fixed a sly grin on his face as Johnny continued to stumble. To him it was cute— Johnny who was usually so eloquent with his big vocabulary and superior handle of English thanks to having spent the last four years majoring in the language.

“Well yeah, you can never just practice once,” Johnny offered lamely, eyes never leaving his best friend’s. “It’s always ‘let me do this once’ and it turns into no less than five times,” he continued, wanting to cram his foot in his mouth— anything to shut him up really.

“Not that it’s a bad thing,” Taeyong watched in amusement, trying his best to hold back his laughter while Johnny continued to struggle.

“It’s just _you_, and I’m just going to stop talking now,” Johnny finally sputtered out, he took a deep breath and tried to still his nerves as Taeyong watched him with a critical eye.

“Just me?” He pried further, half curious about what Johnny meant and half wanting to press him to see how much more flustered he could get him.

Johnny stared owlishly at him for a moment— completely at a loss while Taeyong stared imploringly at him.

“Am I supposed to take offense to that or—?” he left the sentence hanging. He knew somewhere in his brain that Johnny meant no offense whatsoever towards him but the longer he stayed silent the more Taeyong tried to pick his own brain apart to understand what it meant, trying to quell the mounting panic under a cool façade.

“No no!” Johnny blurted out almost instantly. His eyes widening as he held his hands up. “Jesus, no, Taeyong, it’s nothing bad, really,” he continued before his gaze softened back into familiar territory— territory that made the mushy part of Taeyong’s brain fire off dopamine like fireworks in his heart.

“There’s no other way to describe you— you’re just so _you_,” Johnny started as he tried to collect his thoughts.

“Uniquely you, it’s not a bad thing at all, I promise,” Taeyong felt his own heart hammering in his chest, wishing it were mutual, wishing that Johnny was feeling the same sense of euphoria. “The way you laugh, the way you smile, the way you hyper focus on your dancing,” Johnny listed, words flowing freely from his mouth.

“They’re all things unique to you and I lo—” he cut himself off as if his brain had finally caught up to the words his mouth was spewing. Taeyong listened eagerly, he couldn’t help the stars lighting up in his eyes. Johnny had looked so passionate about what he was saying— a look he reserved only for waxing over his favorite novels and movies— and he was talking about _him_ with stars in his own eyes.

“They’re just _habits_ I’ve picked up on you over the years of our _friendship_,” the way those words hung in the air, heavy and final, like a weight tethered to him, speeding up his descent and sending him plummeting back into reality the ground of truth moving in on him faster than he could pull his breaks. 

Friendship. Of course. That’s how Johnny had meant it. They were best friends, nothing more. The sooner Taeyong came to realize it the better off he’d be.

He still couldn’t help the way his face fell, even if he tried not to show it, Johnny didn’t comment on it either— for which he was grateful.

“Like how you get this focused look on your face when you’re reading a new novel that really grabs your attention,” Taeyong supplies, “Or how you always scoot closer to me when I’m playing my horror games and you get scared,” he continued trying to lighten the mood and hide his disappointment.

Johnny let out an indignant yelp and swatted at Taeyong’s shoulder.

“I don’t get scared! Those games are just intense,” he defended himself. Taeyong simply laughed and rolled his eyes— not believing a word out of Johnny’s mouth.

They stood in a comfortable silence a few moments longer, Taeyong trying hard to not dwell on his disappointment, but instead focus on his choreography. He needed to nail it tonight or else he would have wasted his and Johnny’s time.

At the thought of the other, he glanced at where he had left his laptop and empty Starbucks cup and immediately felt guilty.

“You’re sure you want to stay, Johnny?” he asked one last time, finally breaking the silence.

“I’m positive,” he said with such finality that Taeyong believed him, though the guilt not subsiding. He tried not to focus on what his guilt could mean then if not for holding Johnny hostage.

“I plan on being here until I get it right— it could be hours,” he offered one last time for Johnny to back out, but the other stood his ground firmly and smiled at the other.

“That’s what I figured, Taeyong I wouldn’t have come if I wasn’t up to spending hours on end here, practice, dance you happy little heart out, I’ll be here for you,” he says, leaving no room for protest.

Taeyong only nodded in understanding before turning away from Johnny, his heart still racing in his chest.

Moments later he was pressing play to his music and taking the choreography from the top.

One more time, two, three— he lost count of how many times he had started over. The sun had fully disappeared behind the buildings on the horizon and he truly had no idea what time it even was.

When he looked over to where Johnny was seated, he couldn’t help but smile at the other, his hair was mussed up and glasses skewed as he leaned to the side snoring gently.

Despite everything that had happened that day, his soul was still singing with excitement— Johnny _wanted_ to be there with him and for him, it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for making this far, I really hope you liked it. 
> 
> If there's any errors please let me know, I edited it twice but in case something slipped past me I'd like to know!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are very appreciated, they help keep me motivated to continue writing.
> 
> Feel free to check me out on [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/ttaeyongs_) or leave a message in my [ Curious Cat ](https://curiouscat.me/ttaeyongs_)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ten touches me here like this,” he demonstrated with a free hand running his hand down his chest stopping at the waistband of his pants, the motion wasn’t anything new but the flippant way he described it was jarring and left Johnny's heart hammering inside his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the tag updates.

_Or this intense look you get in your eyes when you’re _really_ feeling the music and you’re truly in your element— it’s beautiful_ had been on the tip of his tongue. Johnny wanted to kick himself. He had almost spilled his heart out to Taeyong in the middle of a public dance studio— almost ruined everything and it wasn’t even in a romantic place. He almost let slip all the feelings that had built up over the years for the other.

He stared up at the ceiling and wanted to rip his hair out, wanted to bury himself deep in the confines of his bed, and never come out from the safety of his blankets and never face Taeyong again. He just wanted hide away and never see that gleaming smile or hear his melodic laugh and be reminded of how much that man would never be his.

He couldn’t do that though— didn’t think his heart could take not having the other in his life or by his side. It didn’t even matter how Taeyong was there. Years ago, Johnny had resigned himself to only having Taeyong in his life as his closest friend and nothing more, because a life without knowing Taeyong or losing him completely would be too painful to bear.

That was enough, he told himself almost daily. He told himself that every time Taeyong turned his bright doe-like eyes on him, glittering and so full of life and had him drowning in their vibrance. A daily reminder that that was his best friend, his best friend who only a year ago was counting down the days to when he could finally call the love of his life, “wife.”

Even though Johnny knew he wasn’t exclusively straight— he recalled a brief stint with their friend Ten that had ultimately ended when they both decided neither of them were capable of handling a relationship at the time— Taeyong still didn’t feel _that_ way about him, nor would it be fair of him to expect that Taeyong had finished grieving his cancelled engagement and was ready to jump into another relationship so soon especially after seeing how it ended with Ten when he’d forced himself to move on.

He told himself that daily too, but every day it became a harder truth to swallow, catching in his throat threatening to choke him.

To be honest, Johnny wasn’t even sure when the first time he had realized his feelings for the other man had been. In nearly a decade of friendship it sometimes got swallowed up by all of the other beautiful memories they created together.

Maybe it was the first night Taeyong had pulled Johnny out of his window at two-twenty seven on a school night. His hair was vibrant green at the time, almost glowing in the moonlight— traces of dye staining and smudging his hairline. It definitely hadn’t been green in class earlier that day.

Johnny’s heart hammered in his chest as the younger’s hand clamped over his mouth telling him sternly to be quiet so his parents wouldn’t find out, and he silenced himself almost instantly. He found that back then— perhaps even now— he would do almost anything the other asked.

It had been the first night Johnny had ever snuck out of the house and he had silently vowed for it to be the _only_ time— a vow that would only go on to be broken numerous times in the following months, Johnny thought wryly as he recalled the countless times Taeyong had coerced him to sneak out.

That night in particular had been about a month into Taeyong’s exchange, he was finally starting to settle into the school, starting to get comfortable in Chicago, and had all but demanded Johnny show him around the city since his host refused to talk to him most of the time— something about Taeyong not being a girl and ruining his dreams of falling in love with a foreign girl or whatever.

Taeyong had whined and whined until Johnny finally gave in to go to the city—Johnny wasn’t sure the other was aware was a thirty minute train ride, at least, to get to. But somehow— thanks to Taeyong’s demands— he still found himself on dirty public transport speeding through underground tunnels surrounded by grown ups who didn’t even bat an eye at the two teenagers. He watched Taeyong who watched the suburbs speed past with a glittering fascination and found himself wondering how different it was from Seoul— where the boy called home.

For not having any idea where they were, Taeyong seemed enthusiastic as he pulled Johnny off the train at a random stop and ran through the deserted station and through empty streets above ground.

Despite being near the tourist heart of the city, Johnny noted that there wasn’t much nightlife going on, it was only a few odd couples around loitering near the Metra stations waiting for their trains to arrive so they could be on their way out of the city— where Johnny should have been headed.

Except he found himself being pulled down the Magnificent Mile by an enthusiastic Taeyong who some how managed to navigate them through a maze of skyscrapers and flashy store fronts, crossing a stone draw bridge towards and down a winding flight of rusting stairs.

“Oh my God!” Taeyong had called out in excitement as he ran to the water’s edge and watched the twinkling fairy lights of the riverside bars reflect in the dark surface. Johnny had been here a few times during the day— usually the river was alive with steamboat tours of the city and the winding pathways filled with tourists and joggers alike.

At night it had a completely different atmosphere. There were no noisy tourists posing for photos on the stone stairs nor was there the blare of horns from boats announcing their departures. It was serene— romantic even. The kind of place he imagined could be the confession seen of a romance movie.

In the warm light and gentle spray of the water, far below the street level of the city, Johnny thinks that that might have been the first time he looked at Taeyong as if he held the universe in his eyes, the glittering lights seemed to leave that impression at least. The first time he truly found himself at a loss for words in front of the other— completely stunned by his beauty.

It had been such an amazing night— they had sprawled out on stairs near the river and stared up at the cloudy sky while late night traffic hummed in the background. Above the tops of trees and skyscrapers it was hard to see anything through the smog of the city so Johnny had just pretended he was star gazing as Taeyong prattled on in a dreamy tone about different constellations and the mythology attached to them. He wasn’t sure if any of the stories were right, but he loved listening to Taeyong’s lilting voice as he explained the story of Andromeda.

He hadn’t made it to school the next morning— neither did Taeyong— and he wasn’t sure if his parents even knew to this day that he had snuck out and spent the entire day ditching school in favor of exploring the city with his new friend.

It was exhilarating to say the least, returning home at five in the evening to his mother asking him how school was. “Great, Taeyong asked me to stay late to explain chemistry to him,” he lied easily. His mother had only smiled and said she was proud of him. She didn’t even seem to notice he was wearing the same clothes from the day before.

That might have been one of the first reckless decisions Taeyong had made for him that made him feel alive— as cliché as that sounded in his head. With his lime green hair, Taeyong had brought a world of color into his life and it was easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of neon oranges and vivid blues and reds and purples that followed in his wake.

He hadn’t changed much between then and now, Johnny mused. Still wild and unpredictable— a mess of horrible decisions that always ended in some of his favorite stories, but that was one of his favorite things about Taeyong.

No matter how bad of a decision it was or how big the mess he would get dragged into because of him, Taeyong always seemed to know how to force the best of it out and turn it into one of the most memorable nights of his life.

Except for last night— Johnny still wasn’t entirely sure what had happened and he didn’t think Taeyong remembered much either.

Of course it started out as stress relief for their exams looming on the horizon but glimpses of Taeyong dancing on the roof top to music only he could hear and Johnny shouting into the skyline as tension seeped out of his bones seemed to make their way back to his memories. Fragments of memories of the smaller clinging to his arm as he pulled Johnny’s body through the motions of whatever dance he was trying to do as the other sang, voice barely above a whisper.

Whatever he was doing, how he pulled his limbs and made his body sway, it left Johnny feeling weightless as his warm body moved against his, spiced apple soap invading his nostrils as Taeyong swayed against him. His soft hands gliding down his arms, fingers dancing across his— threatening to take Johnny’s hand into his own and leaving him hanging.

Johnny didn’t even bother fighting the blush creeping up his spine as he recalled Taeyong’s lips against his ear, “Beautiful Johnny,” and other whispered phrases that were a mix of Korean and English that had Johnny’s head spinning trying to decode his words in his drunken state.

Beautiful was a word only Taeyong ever used to describe him and it always left him feeling a type of way— tingling his spine whenever the other uttered it, and hanging heavy in the air invading his senses. It always seemed to rob his lungs of breath, leaving him gasping for air.

He was thankful that he was back home now— away from that dangerous man and the lethal way he could control his body. Any longer and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it.

The red numbers on his clock had read three thirty-eight and Johnny sighed. He had only been home for about twelve minutes and was still waiting on Taeyong’s text to let him know he made it in safe— any minute now he expected the usual message. A one word text of ‘_Home’_ accompanied by an emoji three seconds later and a ‘_Good night!’_ text followed by a ‘_Sleep well Johnny’_ or a ‘_Sweet dreams John!’_ depending on his mood— sometimes even followed by a selfie of him crawling into bed.

Nine hours he had sat on the hard floor of the studio watching Taeyong— occasionally he would get up and pace around the room or run upstairs to the vending machines or the twenty four hour convenience store across the street to stretch his limbs. Sometimes Taeyong joined him for those ventures, needing to do something other than dance, though it was rare for him to take a break and Johnny usually had to beg for the other to stop and take care of his body.

At one point Johnny had even ran to a restaurant and ordered take-out for them to scarf down in the studio while Taeyong sprawled out on the floor talking about how he thought his dance had been coming along and asking Johnny how his paper was coming.

“Good, good, it’s coming along good,” Johnny had choked out, nearly swallowing a chicken bone around his lie.

Taeyong didn’t seem to pick up on his deceit and he was infinitely relieved for that, but he did hand him his bottle of water with a concerned look. The rest of the meal after that was shared in relative silence. Johnny could tell the other had a lot going through his mind and wondered how he was physically feeling— the choreography seemed demanding enough and for him to be going at it for so many hours with hardly any break between, Johnny worried.

Even if Taeyong pretended they didn’t exist, Johnny knew he was treating various injuries to his neck, waist and knees and he knew the way the choreography had him falling to the floor had to be painful— even without injuries.

Alone in the dark those worries began fading replaced by very different ones. He couldn’t seem to shake the images of his mind— Taeyong on his knees, running his hands through his hair then down his chest, the way his hips moved to the beat or the way beads of sweat glistened as they rolled down his temples.

It wasn’t the first time he had watched Taeyong dance, but it had been the first time it had been so deliberately sexual— not just the slow and sensual way he usually danced, teasing strangers from afar, when they were out clubbing.

The way the other moved and absolutely owned the choreography was downright sinful and it left Johnny wondering what the whole thing put together with Ten looked like— especially between the pictures the younger painted in Johnny’s mind, casually filling him in on Ten’s parts over cheap fried chicken coupled with Johnny’s imagination conjuring up memories of the deadly combination they were when they were at clubs together.

“Ten touches me here like this,” he demonstrated with a free hand running his hand down his chest stopping at the waistband of his pants, the motion wasn’t anything new but the flippant way he described it was jarring and left Johnny's heart hammering inside his chest.

“I grab him like this—” he continued as he reached out to Johnny to cup the other’s jaw and force his head to turn, the smaller’s intense gaze locking on his eyes as his long spindly fingers toyed with the hairs on the nape of his neck.

Johnny still felt electric pinpricks where the other had touched him— heart speeding up as he relived the memory, getting lost in the way he recalled Taeyong’s focused eyes and devilish grin. Sparks dancing down his spine leaving traces of heat in their wake, pooling deep in his belly.

His own hand shifting under his blankets, ghosting down his chest and traveling slowly down his abdomen— dipping into his navel before coming to a rest at the waistband of his boxers, feeling himself stirring in his pants.

This wasn’t the first time thinking of Taeyong had left him feeling this way— nor was going to be the last he was sure. He had a way of pushing it further and further every time Johnny had gotten used to it— leaving the elder feeling frustrated more and more.

Just as his hand began moving lower, tracing himself through the thin material of his boxers his phone vibrated— jarring him out of his thoughts as realization dawned on him of what he was doing.

Mentally he cursed himself as he reached for the phone beside his head, fully expecting to see _Yongie_ in his notifications letting him know he’d made it home just fine.

To his arousal’s annoyance instead Ten’s contact name displayed and Johnny let out a groan in frustration. Of course it was Ten, he heaved out a sigh and contemplated swiping it away to deal with later. At that point he was mildly embarrassed and highly agitated and was unfairly directing it at his younger friend.

Ten was probably sliding in to brag about his conquest with Kun earlier, something about him being able to get his latest fling to bed— or something like that.

Johnny wasn’t sure what Kun was to Ten, and he really didn’t want to find out— rather he preferred being spared the gritty details of Ten’s busy sex life to prevent himself from being reminded of his own dismal one.

Against his better judgement though he unlocked his phone and noticed Ten had sent him a frowning emoji followed shortly after a notification from Snapchat. Johnny’s dick twitched in anticipation— Ten never used Snapchat unless he was horny.

_‘cant believe he actually thought i wanted to be tutored’_ the caption said overlaying a pouting selca of his friend— oversized shirt threatening to slip off his shoulders in the grainy dark.

‘_you home?’_ came a moment later with another photo— a lower angle showcased his friend’s sweater paws as his shirt slipped off his shoulders, exposing his collarbones but resting high enough on his thighs to leave very little to Johnny’s imagination.

He swallowed thickly and felt his arousal coming back stemming somewhere from frustration and lust as he stared at the picture a moment longer before his hands took to replying.

After a split moment of deciding, he snapped a picture of the clock on his nightstand with a caption, ‘_It’s 3:45 where else would I be?’_

The response was almost instant, a picture of Ten pulling on some slippers by his front door, ‘_be down shortly xo’. _

Johnny slipped his covers down and snapped a quick shot of the tent in his boxers, ‘_Can’t wait.’ _

Johnny sometimes hated how easy it was to fall back on Ten like this— it wasn’t like it was a secret from anyone that Ten and him fucked from time to time. Ten had one night stands all the time and a list of fuck buddies— he was never interested in the idea of settling down into anything meaningful and loved the no strings attached factor of sleeping with his friends or random strangers.

His arrangement with Ten had been ongoing for almost two years now, even long before Johnny had fully realized his feelings for his best friend. They just messed around out of convenience— Ten lived two floors up from him and was almost always just a text away. That and messing around with Ten didn’t leave him feeling gross or weird afterwards like getting off on his own to thoughts of Taeyong often did.

Any minute now he expected Ten to knock on his door and dragged himself out of bed after sliding his phone under his pillow and trying to clear his mind of Taeyong for the time being so he could just focus on Ten and feeling good.

Just as he was leaving his bedroom he heard the knock on his door and poked his head into Mark’s room just to double check that the other hadn’t come home that night— even though he knew Mark was out with his soccer team that night.

Another knock on the door and Johnny rolled his eyes, Ten was as impatient as ever and he purposely took his time wandering over to the door. He could all but see Ten on the other side of the door, arms crossed across his chest as he glared holes into the door.

If he were any less horny he probably would have taken a little longer just to piss him off more.

“Johnny Seo!” He cried out from the other side of the door just as Johnny was unlocking it and sliding it open.

“Ten, do you have to be so obnoxious?” Johnny asked, eyeing the other boy in faux annoyance.

“I could just leave and find someone else,” he retorted, no malice or truth behind his words. Both knew at nearly four in the morning hardly anyone would answer. The only other person awake at that moment was probably Taeyong.

“I’m sure, Taeyongie would be more polite and wouldn’t keep me waiting,” Ten continued as he pushed his way into Johnny’s apartment, kicking off his fuzzy gray slippers in the entryway as he shoved Johnny aside.

The words struck some kind of cord in Johnny’s heart, or maybe it was Ten’s hand smacking him square in the middle of his ribcage.

It wasn’t a secret that Ten fooled around with Taeyong too— even if their relationship had ended months ago— but somehow being reminded of him when he was the source of Johnny’s own frustration right now affected him.

Ten narrowed his feline eyes at him before he grabbed the older man’s wrist and pulled him towards his bedroom. Johnny didn’t like how his eyes seemed to pierce straight into him.

“He’s always so eager,” Ten’s voice continued, dripping like honey and Johnny felt his frustration mounting. He knew exactly what he was doing to him and Johnny hated him it.

As soon as the bedroom door was shut behind them, Johnny was pushing Ten down to the bed, noting that Ten had completely forgone underwear for the trip downstairs as he got a view of Ten before the sweater fell over his thighs again. Johnny just smirked at him.

“You’re one to talk,” he growled as he slid his hands up Ten’s thighs, pushing the oversized sweater up over his hips once more. “Talking about how eager Taeyong is, when you came running here so fast to get dicked down you forgot underwear,” his voice dropped an octave as he whispered into Ten’s ear— taking the metal studded lobe between his teeth.

“Whoa there Johnny boy,” Ten admonished as he wrapped his arms around Johnny’s waist to grab a handful of his ass— pulling him closer. “Who said I forgot them?”

“You’re shameless,” Johnny grunted as he shoved Ten further up the bed before pushing off him to slip his own boxers off.

Ten leered at him, narrow eyes piercing his soul in a way only Ten could manage— making Johnny want so squirm under their scrutiny. He could see the cogs turning in the younger’s head as if debating whether to defend himself or not.

The next words out of the other’s mouth had Johnny halting entirely, mind reeling.

“Says the one who watched Taeyong get dressed this morning when you thought he wasn’t looking.” The words hung in the air as Johnny stared in disbelief. A memory surfacing in his mind as he recalled the rush of heat flooding his body when he got an eye full of the delicate slope of Taeyong’s ass as it disappeared into a pair of jeans without underwear.

Ten had a sly smirk on his face as he watched Johnny— daring him to speak up and Johnny wanted nothing more than to wipe that look right off his face. There was no way Ten could have known that, he was full of shit, Johnny thought as he fought to push those thoughts out of his head.

“Surprised?” Ten continued, dissatisfied by Johnny’s silence and wanting to push more of a reaction out of him. “You’re not the only one Taeyong talks to,” he hummed, leaning back and crossing his arms behind his head, as if to say “Checkmate.”

“Could you stop talking about him?” Johnny growled darkly as he loomed over Ten and a rush of adrenaline flooded the younger’s body at the tone, his smug grin only intensifying. Johnny hated it.

Ten reached an arm forward and grabbed the collar of Johnny’s shirt pulling him closer— tugging their bodies flush together while free hand traveled down Johnny’s back stopping just above the other’s ass.

“Talking about who?” Ten licked a stripe over Johnny’s ear letting his warm breath ghost over the flesh as his fingers traveled lower, slipping their way between the globes of flesh, seeking out the other’s hole.

He let out a satisfied chuckle as the other groaned lowly while Johnny’s hand slipped between their bodies to hike Ten’s shirt up higher up his chest to reveal his nipples.

“Use your words, big boy,” the younger growled again, swatting Johnny’s hand off his hip for the time being. “Who don’t you want me talking about?”

Ten figured it should have been weird bringing up someone else in the middle of sex, but the way just mentioning Taeyong was driving Johnny crazy he could help but continue bringing him up— especially if it meant Johnny would use that pent up frustration on him.

Johnny’s breath stuttered, mind still trying to figure out how Ten knew he had watched Taeyong while also trying to banish him from his thoughts altogether— and Ten was making it damn impossible at the moment.

As he was about to answer, Ten’s finger dipped just inside the tight ring of muscles and his mind blanked entirely for a moment as his breath caught— instead all he could focus on was the teasing way Ten’s finger kept dipping in and out of him.

His dick twitched in interest as he glared down at Ten, refusing to let him keep leading him around.

“Come on, Johnny, even Taeyongie’s better than answering me when I’m balls deep in that tight little ass and he can’t even think st—” he was cut off by Johnny’s hands shoving him on his back and knees spreading his legs apart. Ten’s hands fell away from Johnny’s ass as he peered up at the other with mirth in his eyes.

The taller glared down dangerously.

“You talk too much about him,” Johnny growled before spitting into his hand and slipping a spit-slicked finger inside of Ten without so much as a warning— careful not to push in past the first knuckle, not wanting to hurt the other no matter how frustrating he was.

“About who?” Ten asked teasingly once he regained his composure after the sudden intrusion, rocking his hips back onto Johnny’s finger, slowly forcing it deeper.

“Maybe I should gag you?” Johnny asked, his free hand reaching for his discarded boxers laying on the bed beside him. “Would that get you to shut up?” he asked once more, crumpling his boxers up and showing them to Ten.

“Does Taeyong know you’re this filthy?” Ten kept pushing and the idea of actually shoving his underwear in his mouth was getting more and more appealing the more the younger kept talking.

Just as Johnny was about to answer him he heard his phone vibrate from beside Ten’s head— once, twice, four times before it finally stopped.

The younger gave Johnny another sly smirk as if knowing exactly who it was and reached for the phone from under the pillow. Johnny glared between Ten and the phone in his hand.

“I made it home,” Ten read without batting an eye and scrolled through the rest of the notifications. “Sleep well, Johnny, with a sparkling heart emoji, disgustingly cute,” Ten sneered before he tossed the phone to the side.

Johnny elected to ignore him as he reached for the lube on the nightstand with one hand and grabbed Ten’s hand with his other one. Something told him Ten wasn’t ready to let it go just yet, but he was thankful the other was quieting down— hopefully now he could push Taeyong as far from his mind as possible for the time being.

“Same signs as usual?” Johnny asked Ten gently as the other took the bottled from his hand, dropping his act for a moment.

“Penguin or a double tap to your thigh to stop, one tap to let me breathe,” the younger demonstrated by hitting Johnny’s thigh twice with his pointer and middle finger and then once more after a slight pause. Satisfied with his answer, Johnny spoke up.

“Prep yourself, bitch, and open up,” the elder instructed as he slid up Ten’s body, tapping his cheeks with his dick, waiting for the other to part his lips.

He didn’t wait for another sign from Ten once the other’s mouth parted and slid himself in— groaning almost immediately as he closed his mouth tightly around him, tongue flat against the underside of his cock.

Like this, Johnny was way more content— Ten couldn’t open his damned mouth and keep dragging Taeyong into this to remind him of his unrequited feelings. Instead he could focus on the warm wet heat of the other’s mouth while the other did all the hard work of opening himself up.

Starting slowly, Johnny began to rock his hips against the other’s mouth allowing him some time to adjust and relax his throat before he picked up his pace— relishing the little grunts and gagging noises the other let out. The vibrations of every noise Ten made traveled up his cock and sent waves of pleasure coursing through his veins allowing him to lose himself for the time being.

His thrusts began to grow a little more harsh, pressing deeper into the other’s mouth until he felt his throat constricting against him, nose brushing against the small tuft of coarse hair at the base of his dick, urging him to go faster. His tongue was still dragging against him even with how harsh he was thrusting and Johnny thought he could cum just from Ten’s mouth alone but that’s not what he wanted tonight.

A few more thrusts and Johnny was pulling out with an obscenely wet pop— spit and precum connecting his dick to Ten’s shiny red lips.

“You gonna sit there and stare at me, or are you gonna pound me into the mattress?” his voice was raspy and no doubt his throat a little sore but that wasn’t enough to stop Ten from trying to boss Johnny around some more.

“Maybe I should just cum down your throat and send you home,” Johnny said as he took his own cock in his hand and gave it a few experimental pumps as if to emphasize his train of thoughts.

Ten rolled his glistening eyes and took a hold of Johnny’s hips, urging them forward and pressing his lips to the angry red tip of the elder’s dick to lap at the precum dripping out.

“You could, but where’s the fun in that?” Ten asked after a moment before taking the head into his mouth once more giving a rough suck and teasing the slit with the tip of his tongue.

He relished in the moan Johnny let out as he pulled off and began peppering kisses along the underside— stopping only to lap at the base while his free hand snaked behind Johnny and took his own neglected dick in his fist and pumped it a few times.

“Fun for who? You’ve been a little shit since you came over,” Johnny reached behind him and pulled Ten’s hand off himself and pinned hit beside his head.

“Bad boys don’t get to cum,” he continued— breath hitching as Ten scrapped his teeth over the head of his cock.

“Says you, I do what I want,” Ten replied, snatching his hand away from Johnny’s grasp and trailed it along the elder’s inner thighs allowing his nails to scrape along the tender flesh.

It was Johnny’s turn to roll his eyes as he pulled out of Ten’s grasp and slid off his body. His hands ran down Ten’s body stopping at his nipples and giving them an experimental tug before slipping lower resting on his hips.

He let out a desperate whine, urging Johnny’s hands on— to keep going and finally give him a little relief that wasn’t his own hand.

The younger wasn’t expecting for Johnny to flip him onto his stomach and hold his ass into the air.

“Johnny, please,” he whined as the older male slapped the back of his thigh and wrenched them further apart.

He also wasn’t expecting Johnny’s breath to ghost over his hole and braced himself for a tongue that never came— instead he felt the other’s hands pull his cheeks apart, index fingers slipping inside him and urging his hole open wider.

“Look how eager you hole is,” Johnny sneers, loving the way the younger male whined beneath him. “Ready to suck my cock in just like that filthy mouth of yours.”

Ten could only whine in response, feeling Johnny’s weight settle back on the bed behind him, his brain lost all coherent words for a moment— anticipating the penetration he prayed was coming.

Two more slaps to his ass had him crying out as Johnny slid in easily to the hilt.

He couldn’t help the moan that tore through his throat at finally, _finally_, being filled by Johnny’s cock.

Few things could compare in size to him and that was the main reason Ten always came back to him— nothing could fill him the same way Johnny could. If he were about three years younger he probably would have equated the feeling to love and allowed himself to hang around Johnny’s every word, desperate for him to keep him around and use him as he pleased.

Now however— he realized the difference between love and lust and much preferred the latter, fewer emotions and messes to worry about.

Love was too complicated and got old real quick, Ten had decided and it could never quite sate him the way a good dick could.

Johnny began moving after a few moments and the haze in Ten’s brain cleared just enough— or fogged him up enough— to open his mouth again as a dangerous thought played in his mind.

“Should I text, Taeyongie? He’s probably worried you left him on read,” Ten asked, earning him a harsh thrust from Johnny that sent his body jolting up the bed and hips snapping back to meet Johnny’s movements. “Should tell him how good you’re fucking me imagining I’m him?”

That earned him a hand in his hair shoving his face into the bed while Johnny snapped his hips mercilessly.

“It’d be so easy to send him a video of you cock pounding into me,” Ten continued, moaning as Johnny’s hand smacked his ass in time to his thrusts.

“What’s your obsession with Taeyongie?” Johnny growls as he continues using Ten’s body— not liking the way Ten could read him so clearly.

It’s not that he was imagining Ten was Taeyong so much as he were wishing it were Taeyong under him— wishing it were his breathless moans filling the room instead of Ten’s whiny ones.

“Maybe you’re wishing I were him? Tell me, does Taeyong fuck you half as good as I do?” he snarled, pulling Ten’s head back causing his back to arch beautifully as he slid into him.

More moans spilled out of Ten’s mouth as he tried to form words around them, snapping his hips in time to Johnny, only being able to moan in response.

“Oh please,” he finally stuttered out, pushing one arm out in front of him to steady himself. “Taeyong’s dick is nothing in comparison to yours—” he gasped and let out a shriek of pleasure as Johnny’s hips slammed into his prostate head on.

“Usually,” Ten gasped out, mind fogging once more and words dying on the tip of his tongue as Johnny continued angling his thrusts to ram into his sweet spot every time.

“Usually what?” Johnny grunted out feeling himself losing his rhythm as his climax builds closer and closer— Ten’s hips bringing him higher and higher.

“Usually it’s me folding his body in half,” Ten smirked to himself as Johnny’s hips falter a moment and his breath caught in his throat.

“Hands tied and begging me to choke him while I fuck him into the floor, the sick fucker,” The picture Ten painted in Johnny’s mind was enough to push him over the edge, spilling deep inside Ten while the other cried out in his own release. He couldn’t help but imagine Taeyong’s eyes lidded in pleasure and lips twisted in silent ecstasy as Ten brought him to his own climax— slender hands wrapped around his throat and hands scraping for anything to hold on to as Ten threw him over the edge.

Johnny’s hips stilled inside Ten as he came down from his high— the image of Ten’s slender hands wrapped around Taeyong’s throat refusing to leave his mind, the image burned behind his eyes every time he closed them.

Ten pulled off Johnny and rolled over onto his side and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him as he took in Johnny’s face.

“Me choking Taeyong is really what put you over the edge?” he couldn’t help but find the humor in the situation. “You know one of these days you’re gonna have to tell him how you feel John,” he finally said as Johnny slumped onto the bed beside him.

The idea mortified him— maybe it was the vulnerability of the situation and having just come down from an orgasm and being confronted with the idea of confession to his crush, but telling Taeyong how he felt was the last thing Johnny wanted to do.

He couldn’t fight the embarrassed flush that burned like wild fire across his body. Beside him, Ten frowned and reached out to cup his cheeks.

“I don’t think it’s going to go as badly as you think it will,” Ten hummed and stroked Johnny’s high cheekbones tenderly.

“I think I’m good, Ten, I’m happier with having a crush on him than being rejected by him,” the older replied thoughtfully. He missed the glint in Ten’s eye or the way the wheels seemed to be turning in his mind.

“Suit yourself, Johnny boy,” Ten sang as he rolled out of bed, pulling his sweater down over him and patting out the wrinkles.

It wasn’t uncommon for Ten to just roll out of bed and head back home, but this time Johnny kind of wished he wouldn’t— he hated the vulnerable feeling that poured over him, hated that even with Ten in the room he felt lonely.

His plan for a quick fuck to forget about his feelings for his best friend had backfired on him spectacularly. Instead he found himself flooded with thoughts of the other man— his wide eyes and cute nose, the way his whole face would light up when he walked into their psychology lecture to find Johnny had saved him a spot at the front, the focused look in his eyes when something captured his attention or the way he was always brushing his bangs back when he was trying to understand his notes.

He was startled out of his thoughts as Ten placed his phone into his hands.

“Text him, John,” he said as if sensing Johnny’s loneliness mounting inside of him. “At least tell him good night, you’ll feel better, I promise.”

And with that, Ten turned on his heel and made his way out of Johnny’s apartment, leaving the older alone in his thoughts as he stared down at his phone.

When the front door clicked shut he felt the despairing loneliness hit a crescendo— crashing around him in waves as he realized his situation would never get better and no number of one night stands would ever fill the void he felt in his heart.

He glanced down at the phone and saw the notifications from Taeyong still on his lock screen and felt his heart sink— he was probably fast asleep right now and a text from him might wake him up.

Johnny unlocked his phone anyways and opened his messaging app, clicking Taeyong’s name and seeing the four new messages from him:

_“I made it home!”_

_“A stray cat was at my door,”_ that one had a frowning emoji attached to it and Johnny couldn’t help the soft smile that played on his lips as he opened the picture attached— it was a live photo of his friend’s arm outstretched at a calico patting it’s head as it sniffed a bowl the other had no doubt set out for it.

“_Sleep well __♡__” _

Johnny stared at the messages a moment longer before deciding to send a quick message— one couldn’t hurt and maybe when his friend woke up in the morning he’d smile.

“_Good night Yong”_ he decided to send after deleting his text no less than six times worried that anything he said would be weird— as if they didn’t send each other good night texts every night.

He rolled his eyes at himself and set his phone beside his head, not expecting the series of vibrations that punctuated the silence only moments later.

That was the thing about Taeyong. He seemed absolutely incapable of sending only one text at a time and he almost always answered instantly regardless of what he was doing or what time it was.

Doyoung always complained that Taeyong was too eager of a texter and always teased him about how fast his responses were or always asked if it was absolutely necessary for him to be added to group chats since he always spammed.

Johnny didn’t understand Doyoung’s dislike for his texting habits— in fact he thought they were endearing and Doyoung was just grumpy and reaching for ways to tease Taeyong.

He reached for the phone once more after debating with himself on whether he should answer or not— as if his ignoring the texts would make Taeyong fall asleep any sooner. He knew in the end wouldn’t make a difference. If Taeyong couldn’t sleep ignoring his texts wouldn’t make a difference.

_“What are you doing up?”_

_“Aren’t you tired?”_

Taeyong’s concern made his heart flutter and a gentle smile spread across his lips and forced the sleepiness from his brain for the time being.

_“I should be asking you that lol go to bed!” _Johnny answered knowing that Taeyong would in fact not go to bed.

“_Can’t”_

_“I needed to shower first tho”_

_“Have you heard from Ten?”_

_“Fucker won’t answer me” _followed by the frowning emoji with the sparkling eyes.

Johnny tried to fight back the guilt that filled his chest when he read Ten’s name. He didn’t know why he always felt guilty after sleeping with Ten and then talking to Taeyong— it wasn’t like they were together and sleeping with Ten was cheating.

And it wasn’t like Taeyong didn’t sleep with him either— so there was no reason for the guilt to creep in and yet it still did. Every time.

_“Yong. It’s almost five am. He’s probably sleeping.” _Johnny answered, deciding that not tell him what they had gotten up to was for the better.

“_Like you should be”_

_“Johnny.”_

An image was attached in another message— it was dark and grainy but Johnny could make out the reflection of Taeyong’s phone against his glasses. He was laying on his side curled up in an oversized hoodies— one of his if he wasn’t mistaken. His hair was still damp from his shower too but he looked absolutely cozy.

He was sure under his glasses were heavy, dark circles under the other’s eyes— Taeyong had to be exhausted after nearly 48 hours of no sleep. Johnny knew he was and his only saving grace was his first class wasn’t until three in the afternoon, which if he wasn’t mistaken was not the case for the other. If he remembered correctly, Taeyong had an eight a.m. lecture.

Any response Johnny might have had however, died inside his mind as sleep finally overcame him. Exhaustion deep in his bones making it impossible for him to keep his eyes open any longer and pulled him under a blanket of sleep.

When he finally woke in the morning it was to warm sun pouring in through his windows from outside. For a moment his heart hammered in his chest as he worried he had overslept and missed his first few classes before remembering it was Wednesday and his only class was his fundamentals of teaching class he had in the afternoon.

He still didn’t feel rested, but he did feel infinitely better than he had the night before— stress and worry melting off him as his eyes landed on the rooftop garden across the street. The greenery was always a welcome sight first thing in the morning and helped to ease him into a more peaceful frame of mind.

Reaching his arms above his head he grunted as he stretched and allowed his bones and joints to pop, allowing the blood to flow helped wake him up a little more too until he felt awake enough to sit up and contemplate his plans for the day.

A small thump caught his attention as he realized sitting up had caused his phone to drop off the bed and he leaned down to pick it up— momentarily wondering why his phone was silver instead of coral before remembering sheepishly it was because he had broken it yesterday morning and replaced it.

He signed to himself and unlocked it, not bothering to check the notifications on the home screen— instead it had opened straight to his conversation with Taeyong from last night with three new messages waiting for him.

_“I can hear the birds singing”_

_“Sweet dreams John”_

_“Morning :)”_

Reading the messages brought a somber smile to his lips and a comfortable thrum racing through his veins. The most recent message was only an hour after his final good night text and Johnny sighed to himself, figuring Taeyong hadn’t slept at all last night.

Good morning and good night messages were a daily occurrence from the other, but they never ceased to make him feel special every time. Something about being one of the first and last thoughts in Taeyong’s mind every day always seemed to send hope singing in his soul— even if that wasn’t the case and Taeyong was only being polite, he liked to tell himself that it was because Taeyong thought about him as often as he thought about Taeyong.

It had been this way ever since Taeyong had gone back to Korea in high school. Whenever they texted through out the day Johnny always got good morning and good night messages from the other— even if the good morning messages were in the middle of the night because of time zones.

They hadn’t been daily back then, Johnny recalled fondly. It wasn’t really until Taeyong became more serious about wanting to learn English— because of a failing grade his final year of high school— that the younger began texting him daily and they had stayed in the habit almost ever since.

With that, Johnny decided it was time to peel himself out of his bed and take a quick shower— mildly frustrated with himself for not showering before passing out last night. He felt sweaty and gross and Ten’s scent still lingered on his skin and he’d rather get off him as soon as possible.

Outside his room he could hear Mark shuffling around— probably just getting back from wherever he was last night. He didn’t have any Wednesday classes so Johnny was honestly surprised that he was even back this early.

As he made his way down the hall to the bathroom he could make the faint sound of his roommate’s music playing somewhere either in the living room or the kitchen, a steady low-fi beat that the other liked to listen to while studying.

The hot spray of the shower hit his skin a few minutes later and he hummed in content— after the last 48 hours it felt nice to finally be able to relax and be distraction free.

Today the only thing on the agenda was to go to class and get caught up with his homework— no plans of going out with any of his friends— Taeyong included. He only had two more days to finish the majority of his homework and it was really time to buckle down so he could have his weekend to himself and homework free.

“No more distractions,” he told himself as he towled off his hair when he stepped out of the shower and pulled on his clothes for the day.

He had a presentation later on and had opted for a more professional look than a casual one since he had to present a mock lesson plan for a semester of any chosen subject.

Since Johnny had every intention of becoming an English teacher after graduation, he had chosen to create a lesson plan for an English as a Second Language course since he had had experience in teaching that and had an idea of what worked and what hadn’t— essentially teaching two different people at two totally different stages of English.

First had been his little cousin, Donghyuck, after an incident had brought him to Chicago at the tender age of eight. Previously he had almost no knowledge of English beyond simple greetings he had picked up here and there and had been expected to attend an elementary school that didn’t have an ESL program or even a Korean course meaning he’d have virtually no one with him who he could communicate with.

Johnny’s parents had both been so busy getting affairs in order for his adoption into their family that teaching Donghyuck English had felt like the least of their worries since they could easily communicate with him in Korean at home.

As a kid his parents had never actually taught _him_ Korean either, so them not taking the time to teach Donghyuck hadn’t been a surprise. However since Johnny didn’t know Korean either, it made communicating with his cousin nearly impossible at first and trying to find some sort of middle ground to start teaching English had proved to be very difficult.

He remembered fondly sitting at the coffee table with a stack of “Learn Korean” text books he had begged his dad to buy him with an equally sizable stack of “English for Beginners” workbooks with a tray of cookies and chips while he sat down to explain English.

Any time Donghyuck had answered a question correctly or had written his letters correctly he got a cookie as a reward, and any time Johnny made a connection between the two languages, Donghyuck gave him a cookie too.

During his own English and Literature classes in middle school he’d always stay after or sit in during other classes during his lunch period to ask his teachers questions for teaching advice to make it more interesting for Donghyuck— even had them help him draw up “lesson plans” to keep some sort of structure to his teaching so it wasn’t confusing or all over the place.

It was during that time period that Johnny had truly discovered his love for the language and his passion for teaching— nothing really felt as satisfying as watching the light bulb click on in his cousin’s head when he finally understood a concept or hearing him string together his own thoughts in a whole new language.

His parents had also been thrilled to see their own son pick up on Korean as well despite them having never been able to take the time to teach him. He was absolutely beaming with when he could hold basic conversations with his parents in their native tongue.

By the time he was in high school teaching had become second nature to him and had immediately pounced at Taeyong when he had found out their exchange student barely understood the fundamentals. It was another chance to hone his skills in teaching _and_ get the same gratification of watching someone else learn something from him.

Taeyong had a better starting point than his cousin did so it had been a little easier at first to break the communication barrier— and the Korean Donghyuck had taught him had certainly helped him understand Taeyong as well. The other just wasn’t as pressed for learning it as his cousin was since in a few months he’d just be returning home to probably never need the language again.

Taeyong never really took his English lessons seriously until a year later when he was back in Korea, but even still, he was always thrilled when Johnny could help explain their homework to him and help him figure out how to do it.

Perhaps his favorite memory was the day that Donghyuck came barreling into his bedroom with his report card in hand. The younger had gone on to get perfect marks in English and reading when he finally began attending elementary school— making Johnny’s heart swell with pride.

“_Hyung! Hyung _look! I have a better English score than you do!” he had shouted excitedly— bragging that he had surpassed his teacher. Rather than being annoyed by it Johnny had scooped his cousin into a hug and shouted about how proud he was of the other.

That night he had even asked his parents if they could go to dinner at one of Donghyuck’s favorite places to celebrate.

That had really been the moment Johnny had decided becoming a teacher was what he wanted to do with his life. There was just something about being able to help someone understand something they had no idea or a very basic idea of something and making them proficient in it.

There were precious few memories that had topped that one for him and when the final project had been explained to them way back at the beginning of the semester Johnny knew exactly what his mock class was going to be.

He had called his mother up on Facetime and asked if she could find any of his old notebooks he had saved from back then. It had taken her a few days to compile them all but once she had found all of them she packaged them up neatly for him and mailed them out to LA.

Flipping through them had been nostalgic to say the least— reading his nearly illegible handwriting and Donghyuck’s sloppy scrawl had made him laugh too as he remembered all the nights he spent at the coffee table with Donghyuck.

His cousin had also come over for a few of the nights Johnny had spent pouring over them, if only to brag to Mark about how smart he was and how much better at English he was than Mark was. He claimed that since he became fluent in both languages younger than Mark was it meant he was the smarter of them.

“Ah it’s okay, Mark, I can be the smarter one don’t you worry that tiny brain of yours!”

Mark had wanted to strangle the younger back then— and by extension Johnny for bringing the whole thing up in the first place. He’d spent the rest of the night sulking on the sofa while Johnny flipped through his books to compile resources. He also kept threatening that he’d make Donghyuck go back to the dorms that night instead of staying over like he intended.

With his notebooks, putting together his final project had been a fairly quick and painless process. He’d had it done for weeks now, sitting saved to his computer as well as a written copy tucked away safely in his desk.

Occasionally he’d pull it out just to see if there was anything he could do to tweak it with new skills he learned through the course of his class to make it better or more tailored to the grading scale now that he had a better idea of what was expected out of it.

Over all, he was extremely satisfied with it and it was one of the few projects he had actually felt proud of through college. Rather than just typing up some cookie cutter paper after hours of researching something he didn’t particularly care about, he was able to focus on this project and gear it towards his actual passions. It caught his interest because it was so connected with his future goals that the whole prospect had excited him from the start.

He had even spent a few nights rehearsing his presentation to Mark and Yuta, promising he’d buy them beer if they would just sit through his mini mock lecture. Both had told him it was compelling enough to keep them awake at the very least.

Taeyong had been a better audience to boost his confidence, but that’s just how Taeyong was— he’d tell you anything was great and he loved it if he knew it was important to you. He was also motivated to be nice by the prospect of beer.

Johnny just hoped that his presentation showcased his project well enough to get him a good grade, and if not at least give him an idea on what he needed to work on to improve his teaching skills.

With a final glance at his clock, he decided he had spent enough time mulling over the project and that he needed to hurry up and pack his bag for class and double and triple check that he grabbed everything— paranoid that in true Johnny fashion he’d forget something vital.

It had almost been a running joke among their friend group. Any time they went out they’d jokingly ask him “Did you remember your wallet?” or “Please tell me Johnny didn’t forget to bring shoes!”

Sometimes it was “You guys did confirm with Johnny the date right?” because he had the absolute worst habit of mixing his days up. If they were meant to hang out on a Tuesday, Johnny without fail would forget and ask on Monday where everyone was at when he showed up at the planned meeting place. It got annoying sometimes but he really couldn’t fault them when he was never on time for anything.

As he moved around his room to gather the books he’d need for this particular class a knock on his door startled him out of his thoughts.

Really, the last person he was expecting to see, slouched against the door frame with sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt hanging off his frame, was Ten. He had a sly grin on his face that Johnny only returned with a carefully schooled glare, masking his surprise and annoyance.

“Come for round two?” Johnny asked, voice dripping in sarcasm. Ten glowered at him and motioned to the bag slung over his shoulder as if it answered the question.

“I’m going to the studio with Win, but I wanted to ask you something actually,” Ten said, pushing himself off the doorframe and further into Johnny’s room, letting the door fall shut behind him.

Johnny gave him an uninterested stare before turning his back to the smaller man and began focusing on packing his laptop away.

“Aren’t you curious?” he could hear the pout dripping in his voice and Johnny wanted to roll his eyes.

“I figured you were going to talk regardless of if I answered you or not,” he hummed as he carefully wrapped the cord for his laptop and secured it in the bag— he wasn’t sure if he’d stay late on campus to get some work done or if he was going to come straight home after class so he figured it was better to have options and be prepared.

“You’re not looking, but I’m rolling my eyes at you, Johnny,” the other huffed and behind him Johnny could make out the sounds of the other hopping on his bed to take a seat.

“I can feel it though,” he answered, finally turning around to look at the other. Ten was laying back across the bed, arms folded behind his head and legs crossed lazily.

“Come get food with me tonight after class,” Ten said after a beat, staring up at Johnny’s ceiling, watching intently as the fan spun in lazy circles.

“I can’t I have too much homework to get done,” Johnny answered, finished packing his bag he slung it over his shoulders to leave.

Behind him he heard the bed creak as the other sat up.

As soon as the words left Ten’s mouth, Johnny knew he was doomed to cave in— knew he was predictable and would fall into whatever trap Ten was laying all because he said, “Taeyong will be there.”

Johnny really hated how easy it was for Ten to make him agree. He just had to make the promise of seeing Taeyong and knew Johnny would cave.

“So, Yongie and I will meet you after your class?” Ten asked, voice too cheerful, as he stood and pushed his way passed Johnny and out of his sight— not even waiting for an answer.

As Johnny made his way to the living room, he saw Mark laying on his stomach under the coffee table, a mug of coffee to his left and nose buried in a calculus book.

“Go to school for music they said, there’s no math in music they said, literally _fuck_ them Mark said,” the younger grumbled to himself, dropping his head into the book and screaming.

Johnny stood in the doorway wondering the best way to approach the situation— on one hand he really felt for him, but on the other hand he just wanted to laugh.

Seeming to sense the other, Mark shot up— back hitting the coffee table with a rattling thump and an “_ow_,” before looking up at Johnny.

“Ten stopped in, by the way, I sent him to your room,” he said sliding out from under the table and pulling his beanie down further over the curly mess of hair on his head.

“He just left, Mark,” Johnny pointed out as he made his way to the connected kitchen to grab the coffee pot off the warmer before stooping down beside Mark and topping his mug with some fresh coffee.

“Thanks, _hyung_” Mark sighed before sitting cross legged on the couch, nursing his mug to his chest.

“I’m going out with Ten and Taeyong tonight after class,” Johnny started as he poured himself some coffee in a travel mug and rinsed out the empty pot in the sink. “I have no idea when I’ll be back or if I’m even coming back,” he sighed in defeat.

If Taeyong was bad decisions and reckless fun, Ten was just bad ideas and reckless behavior that fed Taeyong to _make_ his bad decisions. Johnny loved them both, loved spending time with them both.

Without the other one there.

He felt like he was getting too old to keep up with their antics— Taeil had once said it was because Ten and Taeyong both embodied the perfect examples of true water signs. Johnny didn’t know much about astrology but if it meant that they were carefree and made decisions based on how they were feeling that very moment, it made perfect sense.

After saying his goodbyes to Mark, he made his way to class— a sense of dread pooling in his stomach at what would undoubtedly be another long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated! 
> 
> [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/ttaeyongs_) | [ Curious Cat ](https://curiouscat.me/ttaeyongs_)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this far and not clicking away! It's been a while since I really wrote so I'm sorry for any errors. 
> 
> The song this is inspired by is called [ You Told The Drunks I Knew Karate](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EwBNm1Uhs0)
> 
> Comments and Kudos keep me motivated to write!
> 
> [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/ttaeyongs_) | [ Curious Cat ](https://curiouscat.me/ttaeyongs_)


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